Page 31 of If I Go Down with This Ship

I smile to myself, focusing on the loaf of bread before me.“Yeah.Yeah, I can see that.”Still, I can’t help but think of the blue coat, of escaping back to my time, to the place whereIbelong.I think of Louise, of how she must have panicked when they searched the ship and found no trace of me.As much as I enjoy some aspects of this life, I don’t belong here.

Pip hums quietly to himself, working the knife easily through the meat.Sir doesn’t stray far, snatching small pieces of the meat that Pip offers up to him without a second thought.Pip just laughs, scratching Sir’s chin each time he does it.And there’s some comfort in it.All my life, I’ve struggled to find a place I belong.I left Portland for London, and London for a suitcase, and even after seeing half the world, I’ve never found a place that I can call home.

I’ve closed myself off to romantic entanglements, unwilling to trust anyone else after Julian.His face pops into my mind, soft and boyish.Chestnut-brown hair with gleaming hazel eyes that dragged you in, making it impossible to look away.Julianlookedtrustworthy.He looked like someone who’d keep my secrets.

He didn’t.

And ever since, I haven’t felt at home anywhere.

Despite the difficulties of a life at sea, the pain, and thedangers of being a part of this pirate crew, there is something I do love about it, something that I’ve been missing all these years.It feels like home.The crew laughs and drinks and spends time with one another with the kind of ease I’ve only dreamed of.They work as a team and help each other.And it can be fun when you’re not told to scrub the entirety of the ship and your hands aren’t bleeding constantly.There’s something new and exhilarating about being here, but is it enough?

Isheenough?

The thought slips through.

Is the universe trying to tell me something?Have I been sent back in time because, of everything I’ve always longed for, my true wish was always to go on an adventure?To be a part of something?To find someone to share it all with?

“Yer doing that thing again,” Pip says, waving his free hand at my face.

I reach up and touch my chin.“What?”

“Yer smiling.”

I snort and nudge him before raising the knife above the bread.But before I can cut, we both hear the word we’ve all been longing for.

“Land!”someone calls from the top deck.

Pip nods to the stairs before I can get a word out.“Better head up.Mick’ll be looking for ye.”I wipe my hands on my pants and start to go.“Laszlo,” Pip says, stopping me in my tracks.

“Yeah?”

“Be careful out there.Nassau isn’t to be messed with.”

Nodding, I hurry up to the main deck.The crew is scattered across the ship, hauling lines and making final preparations.Most of them have changed, pulling on cleaner pressed clothes.They’re not extravagant by any means, but they’re notin stained loose shirts and plain britches anymore.I sidle up next to Mick, who’s now wearing a crisp navy-blue shirt and tan britches.

“Why’s everyone dressed up?”I ask, taking the offered line.

“We’ve been wearing these clothes for weeks,” Mick says.“Not many will take us seriously on the island looking like that.”

I glimpse Jack, Captain Night, and Astra at the helm, heads bent over a small piece of parchment just far enough from the wheel that Clancy pretends not to listen in, the other three leaning in conspiratorially.Jack has changed into a fresh shirt, white and crisp.Astra is still dressed in their long waistcoat and ragged clothes, but Captain Night’s wearing his blue coat over a clean off-white shirt, the color popping against the deck.What are they talking about?Does it have something to do with the merchant ship?Does it have something to do withme?I want to know,needto know what those three are whispering about, but if I make one wrong move, I’m done for, and I willneverget back home.

Swallowing hard, I peer past the bow and dark, shimmering water to a narrow strip of land in the distance.

Finally.

“New Providence,” Mick says as he follows my line of sight.“That city there, that’s Nassau.”

“Is it as bad as the rumors say?”I ask, squinting.

“Whatever you’ve heard, it’s worse.”

“Heave to!”Captain Night orders, his voice booming across the ship.

Mick grunts as he tugs on a line.I take the one he nods to, following him exactly and easing up on the line until the sails slacken significantly.Two people work on the jib sails at thebow, the fabric bunching up until they can tie it down.To our left and behind us at the mainmast, crew members climb the ratlines before carefully inching onto ropes that are horizontal to each of the sails.

“Strike the mainsail!”Jack calls from the quarterdeck.

“Striking the mainsail!”the crew at the top of the mainmast echo back.