Page 37 of If I Go Down with This Ship

Silence settles between us.I want to know what he’s thinking, want to know how he feels about my words, but I’m terrified to see his reaction.

“Why did you let me into the meeting?”I ask, still not looking at him.

“Because I trust you.”

“But why?”I turn to him, searching his expression in the dark.“Why do you trust me?You barely know me.”

“I don’t need to know you to understand you, Laszlo.You remind me of a younger me.Lost, alone.Anxious.”

“I’m not anxious.”

“No?”He raises a brow.“What do you fear, Laszlo?”

I fiddle with the hem of my sleeve, looking out at the dark water.“That I’ll never belong anywhere or with anyone.”

He leans toward me, placing a hand on the rock between us.I stare down at his fingers.They are so close to mine, nearly brushing.One move, an inch, and I could cover his hand with my own.Neither of us says anything.

Actions, after all, speak louder than words.

Slowly, tentatively, I extend my pinky and brush the side of his hand.He lets out a soft whoosh of air, breath fanning over me as he does.His heated gaze flicks up to mine, and his lips part.

I want to kiss him.

This man I hardly know, this scruffy, deadly captain, is doing things to me.I shouldn’t feel this way about him.I’m only staying here for my research, then I’ll take his coat and go.But ever since he pressed a blade to my throat only to spare my life, ever since he set a cool cloth across my feverish forehead—everything he’s done has warred with my idea of what a pirate should be and led me here, to this moment.

How long has it been since I felt drawn to someone like this?How long has it been since I’ve given in to this feeling?As much as I push my friends and Louise to find happiness, I have never allowed myself the same.The waiter at the bar in that cheap pirate costume, the man I kissed that one night inBudapest in a dark corner where no one could see us, a woman I flirted with in Istanbul, every single person I’ve met after Julian and felt a spark with.They were all fleeting.But this?This feels real.

Inevitable.

Without even realizing what I’m doing, I lean toward him.I zero in on his stubble, then his chin, and finally, his parted lips.It would take so little movement to do something I want so much, and I would give anything to live in this second forever.My heart is pounding in my chest, and I want to run my hand through his hair, grab him by the collar and just—

We jerk away as a gunshot splices through the night.He stands out of instinct, pulling his hand with him, and I follow on shaky legs.I duck my head to hide my heated face, trying to swallow the lump in my throat, parched for something I didn’t know I thirsted for so much.

He clears his throat and wipes his hand on his pants.“We should go.Jack’ll be wondering where we went.”

I nod and move to follow him, a hint of bright blue stopping me.I stoop to pick up Captain Night’s jacket, crouching in the sand as I run my hands over the familiar wool.I have it.I could go, return to the ship, to my time, and stop this from getting any more complicated than it already is.This is my chance to get back the life from which I was tugged.My chance to—

“Laszlo?”

He crosses slowly toward me.I look from him to the jacket before standing.I want off his ship more than anything—or… I did when I first arrived.An almost kiss couldn’t possibly have changed everything.

Hecouldn’t have changed everything.

But I’m gazing up at Captain Night, into the face of a man who trusts me more than I deserve.Before I can stop myself, I smile and shake out the jacket, handing it over.Our fingers brush as he takes it from me, and I feel a jolt of electricity at the touch.I have the sudden urge to lean forward and tug him closer, to finish what we started, but I fight it, sinking back on my heels.

“No captain is complete without his jacket,” I say.

“Strange,” he says, running his hands over it.“I used to save it for coming to port, but these days, I haven’t felt the need to hang it in my closet.”

“Strange,” I echo, imagining what he might find in his closet were he to check.

A second coat.

He shrugs it on before he turns and hurries back to the town.With a sigh, I jog after him.

The angry calls and cheering crowd grow louder the closer we get to the tavern.I deeply miss the quiet of that moment on the rocks as we reemerge into the torchlight of Nassau to find men fighting in the street, pistols cocked and voices rising above one another as they scramble, their weapons poised.I follow Captain Night quickly through the crowd.It parts before him, whispers following in his wake.He stops inside the circle outside of the tavern where three people stand out from the rest of the gathering crowd, his brow knit, fury written across his features as he scans the scene.

Astra is crouched in the sand at the center, a hand pressed to their nose as blood pours down their lips.Their hat is crumpled in the sand, and it’s only then that I see a man screaming a few feet away, one of Astra’s knives lodged through his foot, pinning him to the ground.