Page 78 of If I Go Down with This Ship

“Good,” he says.“Now, how do you get back?”

“What do you mean, Silas?I’m not going back.”

“Laszlo.”My name is a whisper, a prayer.“You said it yourself.You are from another time.”

“But I don’t belong there.”

“But you can’t behere.”Though I know he’s trying to hide it, his mask cracks, and so does his voice.“This isn’t where your story ends, Laszlo.”

I grind my teeth.“It is if it means being with you.”

We are at a standstill, and I can feel time slipping away from us.Our time together, one way or another, is dwindling, and there is nothing I can do to convince him to let me stay, to convince him that I need nothing and no one but him.

“I believe there is another coat,” I say.I can picture it hanging in the closet in his cabin aboard the ship.“Maybe… maybe we can both go.If there are two, and there are two of us, why not?”

He frowns.“What do you mean?What’s this about coats?”

I straighten, clasping his hand in mine.“That’s how I got here, by pulling on a coat exactly like yours.So now if there are two, we could go together—”

“To your time?”He tenderly pries his hand free.“Laszlo, that’s not how fate would have it—”

“Screw fate!”I stand, hands on my hips as I pace in the sand.Doesn’t he want to be with me?Doesn’t he want us to be together?It feels like I’m the only one trying to figure this out.And there must be a way, right?Thisis it.“You and I—wecould go back to my time, Silas.We’d be happy there.If you justtried—”

“I’m trying!”he yells.He stands and crosses to me, stopping a hair’s breadth away.“I’m trying to understand, Laszlo, but none of this makes sense.And what if we tried and it didn’t work?What then?”Silas runs a hand down his face.He looks exhausted, depleted.“You belong in your world as I belong in mine.”

“We belong together.”

“Laszlo.”

I open my mouth to respond, but his tone is final.

So that’s it?After everything we’ve been through, this is how it will end?

My hands are shaking again.I stumble back as I run one of my hands over my eyes, trying to stop the tears, but they just keep coming.God, I shouldn’t have said anything.I should have lied until the very end.At least then we could be happy; we could be together.And right now, that’s all I want.

What’s worse is I can picture it, our happily-ever-after, the one I thought I’d never get.It’s so close, almost within reach.But what if he’s right?What if we tried, and only I made it through?What then?What would I do with that guilt?

And he can’t forget this conversation; he can’t forget my truths.In telling him, I have damned the last of the time we have together.

What have I done?

“Laszlo,” he says.“Laszlo, I need you to look at me.”

I press my hands to my cheeks.My face feels hot, and my throat burns as I say, “I don’t want to leave you here.”

His hands cover mine, gently tugging them away from myface.“You don’t need to leave me; I’m letting you go.You must have always known it would come to this.”

My lower lip trembles as I meet his steady gaze.“Doesn’t this hurt for you, too?Don’t you want me to stay?”

Silas smiles sadly.“I wish I could spend eternity with you, Laszlo.You already know that.”He brings my hands to his chest, and my fingers absently run over the scar across his heart.“I would do anything if it meant I could be with you.”

“Then be with me,” I plead.

He moves closer, and one of his hands goes to my neck, the other cradling the back of my head.

“All right.”

When our lips meet, all I taste is salt, hot and unmistakable, and I realize he’s crying, too.Within moments, his lips part beneath mine, and there it is, that heady scent of his lingering even on his tongue.It’s this that finally undoes me.Our tongues meet and he tastes like the sea, and it’s as if every second we’ve been together is replaying across my senses.I make a startled gasp as he drags my lower lip into his mouth between his teeth, and his grip tightens in my hair, the scrape of his nails across my scalp setting every part of me aflame.