Page 98 of If I Go Down with This Ship

“You’re here now, aren’t you?I can’t believe it was by anything else but magic.”

He nods, frowning and squinting past me.“That’s fair.”

“Can I please kiss you now?”

Silas smirks, leaning away from me as I fist my hands in his shirt.“You missed me that much, Laszlo?”

I nod and move closer.“You have no idea,” I whisper.

And when we do kiss, I can’t help but laugh, because this, all of this, is impossible.I traveled back in time and fell in love with a pirate captain, and now he stands here before me, wrapped in my arms.And closing my eyes and pulling him close, I thank the universe for helping me.

Eight or so months ago, I was so lost.I didn’t know where to go or what to do, and then I met this man who changed my life and showed me what true happiness looks like.He showed me that I could have that happily-ever-after I thought was out of reach.And I fell in love with him.

“I love you to the edge of the world,” he says.

I press my lips together to keep from laughing.The world has changed a lot for him, and it seems I have some things to teach him.

“About that.”

32I Whale Always Love You

Silasstands in the middle of my flat, leaning his weight into his crutches, scanning the walls and the furniture like they will tell him all my secrets.I’ve imagined Silas in my flat countless times since I came back, but actually seeing him here feels like an out-of-body experience.

“And this is my place,” I say, sweeping an arm.

He doesn’t get a chance to say anything before Sir yowls, padding down the hall toward us.Laughing, Silas sits on the back of the couch, leans his crutches up, and scoops the cat into his arms.

“I’ve missed you, too, Sir.”

“He’s a good cat,” I say as Silas lets him go before taking up his crutches again.“He’s been good company since…”

Even after Silas sets him down, Sir doesn’t leave us, weaving around us, perkier than I’ve seen him since I returned home from the hospital.

“I thought you’d have a house,” Silas says, stretching his finger up to right a framed poster of one of my book covers.

“I’ve never really made myself at home.”

He hums, but doesn’t look at me, too focused on my things.The couch is in disarray, the blankets draped overtop, a remnant of my sad blanket fort.I step around the coffee table, intending to yank the blankets off the couch before he can see, when I knock over a stack of research.Cursing, I scramble to pick the pages up, freezing as Silas stops before me.

Blue wool dangles down between us, the hem scraping the floor, and I stand, dropping the papers to the table, not wanting to look at him.

“You kept it all this time?”he whispers.

“It was the only thing I had of yours.”

“Laszlo,” he starts.I look at him now, my chest tight, tears burning.“You don’t need to be ashamed.”

“You’d hate who I was without you, Silas.”

He sets aside the jacket, reaching out to cup my face.“I could never hate you.”

I cover his hand with mine, closing my eyes as I nuzzle into his palm.Neither of us moves for a long moment, our ragged breaths calming into quiet sighs.Finally, I drop my hand and open my eyes.

“I believe you had some questions,” he says.“Mm, actually, before we start, do you happen to have any coffee?I’ve discovered I’m rather fond of it.”

I laugh.“It’s nearly midnight, Silas.”

“I don’t have any intention of sleeping tonight.Do you?”