Page 42 of Tell It To The Waves

Baylee called me, but instead of answering, I texted her to let her know I’m okay. I’m not telling her I’m coming back to Driftwood Bay until I’m standing on that island. I don’t want to get her hopes up and then let them down.

What if I get to the ferry and change my mind? I can’t have the thought of her waiting for me to force me to go. This needs to be all on me.

My plan is to stay at the cottage, but not let anyone know I’m there for good… maybe. If I want to leave, I want to be able to do so without feeling like I’m letting people down. I’m going to keep that to myself. Using the elevator incident as my reason, I can stay either in the living room or in my old bedroom, as construction on the bathroom and bedroom is underway. It’ll suck, but I’ll do it, even if I have to use the restroom outside and bathe at Bay’s.

Unfortunately, I can’t take a heavy-duty moving cart up flights of stairs. Ask me how I know.

The building has two other elevators that are still in use. The one I was in last night now has yellow do-not-cross tape.

Rolling the cart into the elevator, I close my eyes before hitting my floor number, the entire way praying. My legs are shaking and my hand is squeezing the metal handle on the cart.

A wave of relief flows through me when the elevator dings for my floor, doors easily opening up.

The thing about not having a lot to your name is that it makes moving easier. I’ll have to have someone come pick up the bed, TV, and my sofa, but other than that, everything I own fits on the moving cart, even though I have to play Tetris with my totes.

Luna meows, uncertain of what’s going on. I know she’s going to hate the ride, but she’ll love the beach…I think.

The next morning, I leave my key under the welcome mat for whoever I hire to move my things, letting the door shut behind me, not giving myself a chance to think of what I’m doing. I’m on autopilot.

Everything I packed fits in my CRV, with Luna in the front seat. Her meows are getting louder, but I’m hoping she’ll calm down soon enough. Poking my finger through the metal cage of her pet carrier. “Look, if I had a Xanax, I’d share it with you, because believe me, girl, I need one too.”

My heart pounds as I sit idling, waiting for the ferry. Everything in me is telling me not to get on. To figure something else out or to be a big girl and deal with a damn elevator.

I want to call Baylee, but I’m not ready to explain it yet. My plan is to stop by their house and then tell her. See, I do things to the extreme. Leaving Driftwood and everyone behind, to me now, going back eight years later, older and not happier.

But being back there for those few days, I felt closer to my mom than I have in years. It was as if my soul calmed when I drove off that ferry and down Main Street, knowing we were home.

The word home, it's such a punch in the gut. Home is where one feels safest, loved, and happy, but for most of us, home isn’tthere anymore. But thankfully for me, it is, and I have the chance to go back; many people don’t. And I know how fortunate I am to be able to do that. Even though my home is missing three major components—Mom, Dad, and Bohdi—I am still coming home to Baylee and Kai and not alone as I’ve been.

“Here we go,” I whisper to Luna as I drive onto the ferry, next stop Driftwood Bay. There isn’t any getting off now.

My hands slip on the wheel from anxiety as I pull off the ferry and onto Driftwood Bay, a place I never thought I’d return to, but here I am. Running back after I ran away from it.

It’s still early in the day, so the shops are not busy and it’s easy to navigate the roads without looking out for pedestrians.

Knowing getting a coffee won’t help the anxiety raging in me, I still stop at Sippy’s and get Baylee and me an iced coffee. Drinking more than half of it down before I’m parked in front of Baylee’s and Kai’s.

“You’ve got to come in with me,” I tell Luna, hoping I can juggle her cage and the drinks.

I use my foot to knock on the door and wait, tightening my hold on Luna’s handle.

Baylee opens the door, and the look on her face when she sees me makes me laugh. Shock and confusion written across it. She stands there in pajama shorts and one of Kai’s construction T-shirts, her red bob pulled out of her face. “What the hell?” Her eyes widen as she looks at me holding the pet carrier. And she automatically starts screaming and jumping up and down. “You fucking kidding me!” She rams me so hard, I tilt back asshe entraps me with her arms. Whispering in my ear, “August, you’re coming home?” In her words, there holds hope.

“Just until the cottage is done and sold.” I fib, just in case I change my mind.

She lets go of me, tears in her eyes as she scans my face, seeing I’m holding back, but will take what I’m saying. “Well, Kai is going to have to make this last much longer than.” She laughs, grabbing her coffee and waving me inside.

“You can stay here until it’s done. Then go back while it’s on the market.” She smiles over her shoulder at me.

“I might come here to shower if I can. I want to be at the cottage.” I tell her truthfully, sitting Luna down.

Baylee laughs, catching me off guard. “Well, at least there is a porta potty out there.”

My nose draws up. “Gross.”

“Come, and you can let her out.” Bay points to Luna’s cage. “She can’t get into anything, and maybe she’ll find the damn mouse that is causing me hell.”

Smiling, I bend down, opening Luna’s door. She’s skittish, so I leave it open, letting her choose her own timing.