I knew I needed to be mindful of that. As hopeful as I’d been moments before, I knew hurting her again would be the final straw. Now that we laid our cards on the table, there were no more excuses.
Chapter 21
Relegated
BETTY
“You want to talk?” Cici asked, leaning over Kiki’s stall door.
I glowered over the Fjord’s withers as I brushed shavings from her mane.
I looked back at her with a scathing expression. “I don’t think now is the time. Hank put me on a pony for the day. Does that seem good to you?”
Cici snickered. “You love this little mare. She’s got pizazz.”
“She’s got an attitude problem.”
“She’s a pony. But you’ll learn more from her than any of the sport horses in the barn, darling.” Cici patted the horse on the shoulder. “So, are we going to talk about what happened with the rockstar or… just bury it.”
I hugged Kiki the Fjord tight, burying my face in her thick winter coat, and ignored Cici.
“Because, Bets, I’ve already told you it doesn’t matter to me who you are or who you love. Do you forget our dear cousin Leah? The one I’ve always loved? And do you forget your own origin story?”
I grumbled. “What happens with non-royals doesn’t apply here, Cici. The rules aren’t the same for me as they are for Leah or for Bestemor.”
“That’s true, not that I have any recollection of your grandmother ever once giving a flying fuck about anything anyone ever thought about her life. You have a thick skin, Betty.”
“Well, this is different. I feel so stupid about it.”
Cici chipped in, using a rubber curry on a dirty spot at the base of Kiki’s tail. “Why stupid?”
“I’m nearly thirty, Cecilia. And I’m just now figuring this out. Or, rather, saying it.”
“I have a feeling you’ve known a lot longer. And you’re right, our private lives don’t feel so private most days. I get why you didn’t come out and say it if it wasn’t ‘relevant’. But do you also maybe feel a little relief?”
“Relief or heartburn?” I joked, fobbing off the real feelings.
“About this? Nah. And contrary to what you think, no one in the family will, either.”
“Even your father?”
“Dad is a pain, but he’s not a homophobe. He loves you, Betty. The important part is thatyoufeel happy.”
I took a deep breath and scratched my pony’s shoulder. She stretched her neck wide and rolled her lip in appreciation. It reminded me of the way I felt when I entered The Bookstore and declared myself to be queer. I quickly went from feeling out of my depth to feeling like I unlocked a part of myself I didn’t know existed. I contemplated the breath I let out when I told Hank and he only wanted to support me while Cici stood here in a place of love, not judgement.
“How is Mary?” Cici asked.
The fact that she tried to use Mary’s name mattered. She didn’t just see Mary as a phase or a hookup. Cici got it.
“She’s fine,” I said. “We both had a good cry about it. I’m waiting her to text me when she lands.”
“You really like her, don’t you?”
I smiled. “So much. I don’t even know what it is. I just… I want to be around her all the time. I hate how much I want her. It sounds stupid, like I said.”
“Look, feelings are always unpredictable. Don’t feel stupid for falling for someone. If anyone should, it’s me falling for my bestie’s baby brother.”
“But you and Isak are perfect. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.”
