Ella immediately raised the threat level to amber, where it’s remained since.
Everyone’s on the alert, concerned and worried. But they’re only feeling a fraction of the terror that’s gripping my heart. And the worst thing is, I can’t tell Aurelia.
I want to, more than anything. But I can’t, and it’s killing me. I don’t sleep well anyway, but at the moment I’m practicallyan insomniac. Something’s got to give, but I’m determined it’s not going to be me.
She’s still looking at me expectantly, and I know that after my near-slip, I need to distract her.
“It’s personal,” I say quietly, knowing that any reveal about my past will keep her interested.
“Oh?” She leans on the door post, looking concerned.
“I have nightmares,” I admit. Because it’s true, I’m not lying to her. “After Afghanistan. They’ve been worse lately, for some reason.” I don’t tell her it’s because I’m afraid for her.
Her kind green eyes study me, and for a moment I think she knows I’m attempting to distract her. But she says, “Do you take any medication?”
I shake my head. “I did for a while. I don’t like how it makes me feel.”
“Are you seeing a therapist?”
That makes me give a genuine sigh. “No. Again, I did for a while, but it felt as if I was just dredging up the past all the time. I want to put it behind me.”
I wait for her to ask what happened again, but she doesn’t. Instead, she says, “I know what you mean. But sometimes therapists come up with techniques and ways to deal with emotions and thoughts. Like cognitive brain therapy. You have to develop new pathways for your brain to travel down, so it doesn’t keep going over the same thoughts.”
I shove my hands in the pockets of my trousers. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Don’t get defensive,” she scolds. “I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do.” I scowl, and she chuckles. “Go home,” she tells me. “Have a beer, watch some rugby, and try to get a good night.”
Well, I’m not drinking, and I have a lot of work to do when I get home—I have a couple of days’ worth of daily reports toread, and loads of text messages and emails to go through. But I don’t tell her that. “Okay.”
“You know what you really need?” she asks mischievously.
I lift a brow.
Her lips curve up.
We haven’t flirted for a few weeks, because I’ve been worried, and she’s been completely focused on her work. So it’s the first time I’ve felt that flip in my stomach, and the rapid beat of my pulse.
“Just saying,” she says cheekily.
“My cue to leave,” I tell her with exasperation that isn’t entirely fake.
She just laughs and steps aside, and I walk out.
“Try to get some sleep,” she says, holding the door. “I mean it, Luke. I’m worried about you.”
She’sworried aboutme. Jesus.
“Goodnight,” I say, wishing I could stay with her, so I’d be there to protect her. If we were together, I wouldn’t let her out of my sight.
“’Night.” She winks at me, then lets the door close slowly, and I walk away, wishing frustration wasn’t the main emotion that fills me every time we part.
Chapter Fifteen
Luke
“I really don’t want to go out,” Aurelia says.
“Tough,” I tell her as I signal and pull into the car park. “You’re going out and having some fun, whether you like it or not.”
