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'And me,' said Hamnpork. He glared at Darktan, who said, 'Of course.'
CHAPTER 7
And because of Olly the Snake's trick with the road sign, Mr Bunnsy did not know that he had lost his way. He wasn't going to Howard the Stoat's tea party. He was heading into the Dark Wood. - From Mr Bunnsy Has An Adventure Malicia looked at the open trapdoor as if giving it marks out of ten. 'Quite well hidden,' she said. 'No wonder we didn't see it.'
'I'm not hurt much,' Keith called up from the darkness. 'Good,' said Malicia, still inspecting the trapdoor. 'How far down are you?'
'It's some sort of cellar. I'm OK because I landed on some sacks,'
'All right, all right, no need to go on about it, this wouldn't be an adventure if there weren't some minor hazards,' said the girl. 'Here's the top of a ladder. Why didn't you use it?'
'I was unable to on account of falling past,' said the voice of Keith. 'Shall I carry you down?' Malicia said to Maurice. 'Shall I scratch your eyes out?' Maurice responded. Malicia's brow wrinkled. She always looked annoyed when she didn't understand something. 'Was that sarcasm?' she said. 'That was a suggestion,' said Maurice. 'I don't do “picking up” by strangers. You go down. I'll follow.'
'But you haven't got the legs for ladders!'
'Do I make personal remarks about your legs?' Malicia descended into the dark. There was a metallic noise, and then the flare of a match. 'It's full of sacks!' she said. 'I know,' came the voice of Keith. 'I landed on them. I did say.'
'It's grain! And… and there's strings and strings of sausages! There's smoked meat! Bins of vegetables! It's full of food! Aargh! Get out of my hair! Get off! That cat just jumped onto my head!' Maurice leapt off her and onto some sacks. 'Hah!' said Malicia, rubbing her head. 'We were told that the rats had got it all. I see it all now. The rat-catchers get everywhere, they know all the sewers, all the cellars… and to think those thieves get paid out of our taxes!' Maurice looked around the cellar, lit by the flickering lantern in Malicia's hand. There was, indeed, a lot of food. Nets hanging from the ceiling were indeed stuffed with big, white, heavy cabbages. The aforesaid sausages did indeed loop from beam to beam. There were indeed jars and barrels and sacks and sacks. And, indeed, they all worried him. 'That's it, then,' said Malicia. 'What a hiding place! We're going to go right away to the town Watch, report what we've found, and then it's a big cream tea for all of us and possibly a medal and then-'
'I'm suspicious,' said Maurice. 'Why?'
'Because I'm a suspicious character! I wouldn't trust your rat-catchers if they told me the sky was blue. What have they been doing? Pinching the food and then saying, “It was the rats, honest”? And everyone believed them?'
'No, stupid. People have found gnawed bones and empty egg baskets, that sort of thing,' said Malicia. 'And rat droppings all over the place!'
'I suppose you could scratch the bones and I suppose rat-catchers could shovel up a lot of rat droppings…' Maurice conceded. 'And they're killing all the real rats so that there's more for them!' said Malicia triumphantly. 'Very clever!'
'Yeah, and that's a bit puzzling,' said Maurice, 'because we've met your rat-catchers and, frankly, if it was raining meatballs they wouldn't be able to find a fork.'
'I've been thinking about something,' said Keith, who had been humming to himself. 'Well, I'm glad someone has,' Malicia began. 'It's about wire netting,' said Keith. 'There was wire netting in the shed.'
'Is this important?'
'Why do rat-catchers need rolls of wire netting?'
'How should I know? Cages, maybe? Does it matter?'
'Why would rat-catchers put rats in cages? Dead rats don't run away, do they?' There was silence. Maurice could see that Malicia was not happy about that comment. It was an unnecessary complication. It spoiled the story. 'I may be stupid-looking,' Keith added, 'but I'm not stupid. I have time to think about things because I don't keep on talking all the time. I look at things. I listen. I try to learn. I-'
'I don't talk all the time!' Maurice let them argue and stalked away into the corner of the cellar. Or cellars. They seemed to go on a long way. He saw something streak across the floor in the shadows, and leapt before he could think. His stomach remembered that it had been a long time since the mouse, and it connected itself straight to his legs. 'All right,' he said, as the thing squirmed in his paws,'speak up or-' A small stick hit him very sharply. 'Do you mind?' said Sardines, struggling to get up. 'Dere's bno deed to be like dab!' muttered Maurice, trying to lick his smarting nose. 'I've got a rkrklk HAT on, right?' snapped Sardines. 'Do you ever bother to look?'
'All ride, all ride, sorwy… why're you here?' Sardines brushed himself off. 'Looking for you or stupid-looking kid,' he said. 'Hamnpork sent me! We're in trouble now! You just won't believe what we've found!'
'He wants me?' said Maurice. 'I thought he didn't like me!'
'Well, he said it's nasty and evil so you'd know what to do, boss,' said Sardines, picking up his hat. 'Look at that, will you? Your claw went right through it!'
'But I did ask you if you could talk, didn't I?' said Maurice. 'Yes, you did, but-'
'I always ask!'
'I know, so-'
'I'm very definite about asking, you know!'
'Yes, yes, you've made your point, I believe you,' said Sardines. 'I only complained about the hat!'
'I'd hate anyone to think I don't ask,' said Maurice. 'There's no need to go on and on about it,' said Sardines. 'Where's the kid?'
