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'She's very… definite, isn't she?' said the mayor, and Darktan could see that he was sweating. 'She's rather frightening some of the councillors, ha ha.'
'Ha ha,' said Darktan. The mayor looked miserable. He seemed to be searching for something to say. 'You are, er, settling in well?' he said. 'I spent part of last night fighting a dog in a rat pit, and then I think I was stuck in a rat trap for a while,' said Darktan, in a voice like ice. 'And then there was a bit of a war. Apart from that, I can't complain.' The mayor gave him a worried look. For the first time he could remember, Darktan felt sorry for a human. The stupid-looking kid had been different. The mayor seemed to be as tired as Darktan felt. 'Look,' he said, 'I think it might work, if that's what you want to ask me.' The mayor brightened up. 'You do?' he said. 'There's a lot of arguing.'
'That's why I think it might work,' said Darktan. 'Men and rats arguing. You're not poisoning our cheese, and we're not widdling in your jam. It's not going to be easy, but it's a start.'
'But there's something I have to know,' said the mayor. 'Yes?'
'You could have poisoned our wells. You could have set fire to our houses. My daughter tells me you are very… advanced. You don't owe us anything. Why didn't you?'
'What for? What would we have done afterwards?' said Darktan. 'Gone to another town? Gone through all this again? Would killing you have made anything better for us? Sooner or later we'd have to talk to humans. It might as well be you.'
'I'm glad you like us!' said the mayor. Darktan opened his mouth to say: Like you? No, we just don't hate you enough. We're not friends. But… There would be no more rat pits. No more traps, no more poisons. True, he was going to have to explain to the Clan what a policeman was, and why rat watchmen might chase rats who broke the new Rules. They weren't going to like that. They weren't going to like that at all. Even a rat with the marks of the Bone Rat's teeth on him was going to have difficulty with that. But as Maurice had said: they'll do this, you'll do that. No-one will lose very much and everyone will gain a lot. The town will prosper, everyone's children will grow up, and suddenly, it'll all be normal. And everyone likes things to be normal. They don't like to see normal things changed. It must be worth a try,
is this what we fought for all night?' spat Darktan. 'To be pets?'
'Maurice, this isn't right,' said Dangerous Beans. 'Surely it is better to appeal to the common bond between intelligent species than-'
'I don't know about intelligent species. We're dealing with humans here,' said Maurice. 'Do you know about wars? Very popular with humans. They fight other humans. Not hugely big on common bonding.'
'Yes, but we are not-'
'Now listen,' said Maurice. 'Ten minutes ago these people thought you were pests. Now they think you're… useful. Who knows what I can have them thinking in half an hour?'
'You want us to work for them?' said Darktan. 'We've won our place here!'
'You'll be working for yourself,' said Maurice. 'Look, these people aren't philosophers. They're just… everyday. They don't understand about the tunnels. This is a market town. You've got to approach them the right way. Anyway, you will keep other rats away, and you won't go around widdling in the jam, so you might as well get thanked for it.' He tried again. 'There's going to be a lot of shouting, right, yeah. And then sooner or later you have to talk.' He saw the bewilderment still glazing their eyes, and turned to Sardines in desperation. 'Help me,' he said. 'He's right, boss. You've got to give 'em a show,' said Sardines, dancing a few steps nervously. 'They'll laugh at us!' said Darktan. 'Better laugh than scream, boss. It's a start. You gotta dance, boss. You can think and you can fight, but the world's always movin', and if you wanna stay ahead you gotta dance.' He raised his hat and twirled his cane. On the other side of the room, a couple of humans saw him and chuckled. 'See?' he said. 'I'd hoped there was an island somewhere,' said Dangerous Beans. 'A place where rats could really be rats.'
'And we've seen where that leads,' said Darktan. 'And, you know, I don't think there're any wonderful islands in the distance for people like us. Not for us.' He sighed. 'If there's a wonderful island anywhere, it's here. But I'm not intending to dance.'
'Figure of speech, boss, figure of speech,' said Sardines, hopping from one foot to the other. There was a thump from the other end of the table. The mayor had hit it with his fist. 'We've got to be practical!' he was saying. 'How much worse off can we be? They can talk. I'm not going to go all through this again, understand? We've got food, we've got a lot of the money back, we survived the piper… these are lucky rats…' The figures of Keith and Malicia loomed over the rats. 'It sounds as if my father's coming round to the idea,' said Malicia. 'What about you?'
'Discussions are continuing,' said Maurice. 'I… er… I'm sorr… er… look, Maurice told me where to look and I found this in the tunnel,' said Malicia. The pages were stuck together, and they were all stained, and they had been sewn together by a very impatient person, but it was still recognizable as Mr Bunnsy Has An Adventure. 'I had to lift up a lot of drain gratings to find all the pages,' she said. The rats looked at it. Then they looked at Dangerous Beans. 'It's Mr Bunn-' Peaches began. 'I know. I can smell it,' said Dangerous Beans. The rats all looked again at the remains of the book. 'It's a lie,' said Peaches. 'Maybe it's just a pretty story,' said Sardines. 'Yes,' said Dangerous Beans. 'Yes.' He turned his misty pink eyes to Darktan, who had to stop himself from crouching, and added: 'Perhaps it's a map.' If it was a story, and not real life, then humans and rats would have shaken hands and gone on into a bright new future. But since it was real life, there had to be a contract. A war that had been going on since people first lived in houses
could not end with just a happy smile. And there had to be a committee. There was so much detail to be discussed. The town council were on it, and most of the senior rats, and Maurice marched up and down the table, joining in. Darktan sat at one end. He really wanted to sleep. His wound ached, his teeth ached, and he hadn't eaten for ages. For hours the argument flowed back and forwards over his drooping head. He didn't pay attention to who was doing the talking. Most of the time, it seemed to be everyone. 'Next item: compulsory bells on all cats. Agreed?'
'Can we just get back to clause thirty, Mr, er, Maurice? You were saying killing a rat would be murder?'
'Yes. Of course.'
'But it's just-'
'Talk to the paw, mister, 'cos the whiskers don't want to know!'
'The cat is right,' said the mayor. 'You're out of order, Mr Raufman! We've been through this.'
'Then what about if a rat steals from me?'
'Ahem. Then that'll be theft, and the rat will have to go before the justices.'
'Oh, young-?' said Raufman. 'Peaches. I'm a rat, sir.'
'And… er… and the Watch officers will be able to get down the rat tunnels, will they?'
'Yes! Because there will be rat officers in the Watch. There'll have to be,' said Maurice. 'No problem!'
'Really? And what does Sergeant Doppelpunkt think about that? Sergeant Doppelpunkt?'
'Er… dunno, sir. Could be all right, I suppose. I know I couldn't get down a rat hole. We'll have to make the badges smaller, of course.'
