Page 47 of Microburst

I put my hand on his chest even if he didn’t move, asking him to basically. “I’m trying not to hurt you.”

He moved away, but more as if I’d slapped him, not because he was letting me go. “You don’t think it hurts that you went tohim instead of me? That I’m herebeggingyou to let me in—to be with you, and you turn to someone else that you don’t even like?”

Fuck.Fuck, that was so fucking fair that I felt horrible. He lost his anger and I realized it was because I was crying, quickly wiping the tear away.

I swallowed loudly and met his gaze. “I can’t come after you anymore and that’s not fair to you, okay? I can’t. I’m sorry, but I—” My voice cracked and I went to flee, both of us knowing what I was referring to and how he needed someone who would care enough to go after him when he was upset.

I couldn’t be that person. Not after what I’d learned.

And Onyx deserved that in a partner.

He caught me and spun me to face him, kissing me as he cradled my face. He stopped when I didn’t respond and lowered his forehead to mine. “That’smy choiceto make, Sagan. Please,pleasedon’t make that choice for both of us. Don’t do that to me.”

Fuck! Now I was Benson basically. Wow, I really did suck.

“Maybe if parents loved us and we knew how to be people, not royal robot, we could have nice,”Eloise grumbled in my mind, Iris seeming to agree that the fault wasn’t ours. It wasn’t like I did it intentionally.

I was drowning.

“I don’t know how to do this,” I finally admitted. “I’m just trying to keep moving.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” he whispered, sounding worried, and I realized I was shaking. It made me push at his chest. “No, I won’t let you go when I finally caught you and we’re talking.”

“Yeah, actually, you are going to fucking let her go when she’sshaking,” Ayao said, his voice full of anger. “You’re clearly not helping.”

“Stay out of this,” Onyx snapped.

“Said every abusive partner ever. I think Kole did too.”

Onyx let me go so fast I almost fell over. He lookedhorrifiedas he glanced between the two of us. “I’m nothing like him. I would—I didn’t—Icouldn’t—” He turned and walked away.

“Low blow,” I said to Ayao when Onyx was far enough away.

“Yeah, it was, but you were shaking and I can’t take him,” he muttered. “And right now, the last thing you need is people talking about two of us getting into a fight. Like seriously, the last fucking thing.”

He definitely wasn’t wrong there and I said as much.

“You good?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I can’t…” I swallowed loudly, forgetting that I was supposed to be denying what he’d learned.

He let out a slow breath. “This is going to sound crass given how your parents died, but it’s the only analogy I know that works here.” He waited until I looked at him. “Even on a flight they tell you to put your oxygen on before anyone else’s. You cannot help anyone else if you can’t breathe. I know that well. It’s why I can’t offer anyone what I can’t give.”

I nodded and let out another shaky breath. One more and I wiped my eyes. “You gotta tell him later that you only said that because you wanted him to back off. You have no idea how bad his family has been to him too.”

He blew a harsh breath. “Fine, but if he decks me, you’re getting me cognac legally. Or maybe some bootleg cigars I heard Myriam saying she missed.”

“Deal.” I snorted. “Those cigars are awesome. She sent me a case after I helped her.” I frowned. “I only had one. Father confiscated them and chewed me out. I found out later he smoked them with others. Fucking hypocrite.”

He slowly blinked at me. “Gonna take me a minute to readjust to it all.”

“You know nothing,” I reminded him.

“Nope.”

Then I realized there was something I should tell him. So I did about what Modren said and planning to work with him. My eyes went wide when he was suddenly kneeling like his legs just gave out.

“I had no one to ask. I knew it wasn’t like what we learned but…” He wiped his eyes. “Father mocked me saying it was because I killed my mother and if I told others they would hate me. I just…”