Page 189 of Chasing Hope

Not caring for my brother’s watchful gaze on us, he bends down and kisses the top of my head, pulling us to a complete stop. “We don’t have to go inside. We can take a lap around the building until you feel a little calmer or not go in at all. I’m sure they’d understand.”

Lifting my free hand to his waist, hoping his steadiness will ground me, I shake my head. “No, I can’t cancel when everyone’s all dressed up and waiting for me. That’s cruel.”

“Sometimes you have to put yourself first.”

“Not like this. I’d just feel more awful.”

Forcing myself to take a deep breath despite the buzzing of bees that have been nonstop swarming my chest, I tilt my head back and give him a strained smile before urging us to walk. It does nothing to erase the worry on his face, but we start to head toward the restaurant again. At Matteo’s curse, though, my head snaps up.

“What the fuck?” Matteo mutters.

Following his line of sight, my body turns as cold as ice.

Caleb takes one look at my horror-stricken face and turns, trying to find what caught my attention. But while I’m stuck, trapped within the terror running through my veins, my brother steps forward to welcome my parents.

Matteo is saying something beside me, but I can’t hear anything past the roaring in my ears, can’t see past the haze of red that covers my eyes, can’t feel anything other than the fear holding me hostage.

My mother’s smile falters as she sees me standing as still as a statue.

The only thing that seems to be working inside my body is my lungs, yet those cease to exist the moment she steps in my direction, the people behind her following her lead, their faces coming into crystal clarity.

She broughthim.

To my birthday dinner.

She brought the man who raped me to my birthday dinner.

And sheknows.

That cold numb feeling slithers over my body, and like I do in therapy when I have to relive the most horrific events of my life, I float away.

The little girl within me screams, trying to run for her life, begging me to turn on my heel andrunas far away as I can from him, but I’m frozen. Utterly immobile as I watch the man who assaulted me walk toward me with a smile on his face.

He’s smiling.

He’s fuckingsmilingat me.

This is my worst nightmare.

Caleb’s brows are furrowed, his head cocked as he watches me, ignoring whatever my mother is saying. Matteo takes a step slightly in front of me. He tries to speak to me, tries to get me to move, but I can’t.

Nothing is working.

My mind has shut down, my body doing exactly what it did when that man forced himself on me. I stop living. I become as still as possible. I even stop breathing…all in the hopes that he will leave me alone.

Everything fucking stops but time, that cursed thing. If anything, it speeds up and suddenly I’m gasping for air, only for the scent of him to fill my nose and bile rushes for my throat.

Caleb’s worried now and my mother is clutching her necklace, no doubt worried that I’ll make a scene, but all I’m worried about is not vomiting all over my feet.

I have to go, I have to go, I have to go.

I need to leave before he?—

His hand reaches out as he tries to hug me. The second his lips graze my ear, Isnap.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I scream at the top of my lungs as every ounce of anger I’ve ever felt toward this man rushes for me in a millisecond. As the little girl within me demands me to.

Shuddering, I shove him away with such a force it’s like I’m trying to make up for all the times I wasn’t physically able to push him off me when I was younger. He goes tumbling to the ground, my sudden outburst making everything and everyone around me fall silent.