Page 111 of While You Were Trending

“Has he been to therapy?”

“Not that I’m aware of. But I’ll never date again, so it doesn’t matter. Except if there was ever a man who could somehow actually both love me and all of my insecurities around loveandmanage to convince me that he really loved me, then wouldn’t I be robbing myself of a chance at one more normal thing in life that I deserve? Except I don’t deserve it because I tried tobreak up my ex’s wedding. My ex, who’s Declan’s best friend. But Declan might see me. But even if he did, he’d have to break up with Alex to be with me, and that’s not fair to them for me to hurt either of them more.”

Mabel takes my hand and squeezes while I drop my head to my knees.

“I know, I know, more therapy,” I grumble.

“Talking to someone will only get you so far.Livingis the other half of it. Put what you know into practice.”

“I’m not dating Declan.”

“Do you like him?”

“I have too much history with him for that to be a simple question and too much self-doubt for me to believe what I think the answer is.”

“Life’s messy, Gin. Living’s messy. No matter what you want it to be.”

I lift my head and squint one eyeball at her. “Haveyoubeen talking to my therapist?”

She smiles. “No. You helping with crush or not? And let me know if you have any objections to inviting Adelaide to join us here for a bit.”

“I vote invite her, and yes, I’m coming.”

“I want video for us, if that’s okay with you. Our first crush for our own wine.”

Of course I’ll let Mabel record me doing crush. I trust her with everything inside me and more. “Why can’t you be a guy? I love you. I’d marry you if you were a guy.”

“No, you wouldn’t. You’d think too hard about if I liked you for you, or if I liked you for how hard you work to make me like you.”

“Again,before caffeine? Really?”

She pulls an envelope out of her back pocket. “And, unfortunately, one more. Declan asked me to give you this. Idon’t want to, but I think you need me to. So that it’s your decision to read it or not.”

I eyeball the envelope.

It’s thick paper, square, definitely some kind of card, not whatever scrap of paper he could find.

“Did you read it?” I ask her.

“No. Want me to stay while you do?”

“Yes.”

She sits again.

I take the envelope.

Linen.

He used a thick linen envelope.

And he sealed it with wax.

I tell myself he probably sends all of his written messages this way, that it’s a thing that people with big bank accounts do, except it’s not something I ever would’ve wondered about Declan.

If he cared about what kind of paper he put notes on.

That he thinks to write paper notes instead of getting an email address.