Page 64 of Letting Go

I tried to stay calm.

Do not engage.

"You will stay here. I will give you a toothbrush. You are going to scrub the walls of this cellar. That is your job. It is covered in mold and you are going to clean it."

I glance at the flagstone. They were stained with years of muck and oil and grease and whatever else.

His voice softens. "You are my vessel. You will deliver me a child," he says. "The fact that you never did is a question I've put to God. And I realized it wasn't time. It wasn't time for me. But now Everlast has reached a place where we are ready for the next generation. And you and I are going to usher it in. But I can't be with the person you are now." Smiling he cups my chin in his hand. "You have to find your way back. You will find your way back to us. There's the toothbrush and the pail of water. You are not to stop. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I say, and he gives me a knowing look. "Yes, Seer."

He smiles.

When he picks up the flashlight, he flicks it off and with quick twists, unscrews the lightbulb. Left in darkness as he climbs the stairs to leave, panic rises. He can't see how scared I am. This will only give him more power. As the door closes, I try to control my breathing. Try to make my heart not pound. Enclosed space. In the dark. Can't have a panic attack. Visual something else. Bryce's face. Every detail. His brown eyes, tender, framed with lashes, his jawline, his throat. Him in me. His lips on mine.

I don’t know how long I wait in the dark thinking of Bryce, of his hands on my shoulders, of his breath in my ear. Of his weight on me. Of just how much he … loves? Me? Is this possible? I have to pee so bad. I stare at the line of seven twelve-ounce bottles of water. But I wait until I'm sure Reed is off the island and then faintly, I hear the speedboat rev and pull away.

I sit in the dark another fifteen minutes, maybe thirty. My breath is never out of control. Fear never surfaces. Sunlight tries to find its way through cracks in two wood panels along the top of the foundation. These must have been windows at one time.

Slowly, I rise, leaning against the sharp rock wall for leverage, walk to a corner, pull down the leggings, and squat. It feels normal to be peeing. Before I pull them back up, I twist and look down at my belly. There, taped against my skin is my release. I start rubbing the white medical tape with the palms of my bound hands and soon the razorblade drops to the floor. Before I squat again, I pull up the leggings as best I can and then feel around on the dirt floor until my fingers find the tiny blade wrapped in duct tape.

Using my teeth and fingernails, I slowly unwrap the razor blade and start cutting through the thick, silver tape. It takes a long time, how long, I don’t know, but I'm careful not to cut myself. I keep thinking: I am getting out of here. I have to find a way off this island. I have to find Bryce.

As I rip the last of the tape off, the burning and tingling increases as circulation returns. They are blue, swollen, and hurt like hell.

I go and shove them in the pail of water.

Chapter Seventeen

Bryce

It's still dark when I wake. Too dark. Too dark because the door between our rooms is closed.

Instantly, I'm on alert. Something's off. It's Thursday. The absence of the delicate, sweet wafting of baking muffins is suddenly ominous. As I open the shared door, a thin sock drops from the doorjamb.

My stomach clenches. I know she's not there before I open the door.

The sock muffled the sound of the tongue clicking into place. She put it there so I wouldn’t wake up.

Her bed is still made. I don’t even have to look under the bed to know the go-bag is gone.

I grab jeans, a shirt, socks. Retrieve the gun between the mattress and box spring. Shoulder holster. Boots are by the back door. On my way down the stairs, I peel off and tap Finn's door. No answer. He must be next door at Claire's. Above the clinic.

My hands shake as I press Chloe's number into my phone via the Spylit app. The tracker pings in Portland. A gas station down near the Port Authority.

I group text Finn, Mateus, Jackson, and Nic the address, run to the Lexus, slap the amber emergency light on the hood. In the car, I follow up with a conference call to all four before my service cuts off at the Interstate.

Mateus and Nic will meet me at the gas station down by the Port Authority. Jackson will stay with Raymond Clifton. His big finale is today on the rooftop. Complete with burning coals. But I don’t give a fuck.

Finn calls back in a minute. Claire's Jeep is gone. Keys to the Squareback were left in the clinic's mailbox.

Why would she go, why would she leave now? is all that pounds in my head.

Thirty minutes later the Lexus screams into the gas station and the kid is waiting for me, guarding the Jeep. It's parked right next to the bathroom.

My heart pounds somewhere up in my throat. Hard, painful. The kid, a teenaged boy about seventeen, looks scared. Then I realize he might be scared of me.

"That's her car, right?" His voice breaks.