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“Oh dear. So another unsuccessful date.”
“Well, one of us ended up wet, but it wasn’t me and it was courtesy of a carafe of water.”
Tiff burst out laughing.
“Good for you. I’m not seeing why this is a Code Red though. You already knew the guy was a dick.”
“I came home and discovered Chase and Todd fucking.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, indeed, oh.”
“So, that must have been embarrassing for you all?”
“They don’t know I saw. I spied on them through the crack in the door, like a voyeur. Seriously I could not avert my gaze.”
“So is it hot seeing two guys together?”
“Tiff! Are you not listening to me? My roomies are gay. Gay! The roommates I chose with a potential apartment orgy in mind are gay. Not only do I get no sexy times but I have to see them at it!”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Not that bad? Sure, perhaps they could move Malcolm in and then all three could go at it while he tells me their cocks get him hard.”
Another round of laughter burst from Tiff.
“God, you are not taking this seriously. I’m hurting Tiff. I came by for sympathy. You don’t even sound surprised. Was it obvious to you they were together? Is it just me with no gaydar? Anyway, I need you to get in touch with H for me.”
Tiff sat up straight in bed and holding a hand up at me to get me to be quiet, she took a large gulp of her coffee before placing it back on the bedside table. “H? Henry? Why do you want me to contact him?”
“I want a membership to Club S. Do they have nights where they wear masks? I need to go in without anyone knowing who I am so I can practice sex and sucking cock.”
“Seriously, there is no need, Hales.”
“No need! You are hearing about my sad, desperate love life aren’t you?”
“Yes and that is why I gave your apartment details to Chase and Todd.”
My hand flew to my chest and I gasped.
“What? You gave them my details? You knew I wanted hot guys and stuck me with two gay men?”
“They are not gay, they are bisexual. They like pussy too.”
“Fuck this coffee’s strong. I swear you just said you set me up with bisexual roommates.” I yelled.
“Calm down. Yes, I did. I knew you wanted some hot roommates and I’d seen your applicants. There weren’t any. So I called Henry and asked him if he knew anyone who was looking for a place. He put out feelers and came back with Chase and Todd. They are looking for a permanent partner. A female. They are together, have been for a while, but as I said, they like pussy too and they are thinking of the future and potentially having a family.
My mouth did its usual jaw drop. Seriously, I was going to need plastic surgery for saggy skin around my jaw if this kept up.
“What the, erm,”
“I’m sorry, Hales. I know this must be a shock but I was thinking of what you said. There is no pressure. Chase and Todd were looking for an apartment but they didn’t move in expecting you to be part of the arrangement. They planned on looking around and then moving when they found someone. I was just wanting for you to have the option. That is if maybe you liked them and they you…well, it could work out. Or at least give you some practice.”
“I seriously, like don’t know what to think. I forgot I’d been asking advice from Mrs. Tiff Threeway-I-went-out-on-stage-and-had-sex-with-an-audience-watching Bailey. So, get a hot roomie Haley. Why stop there? Get two roomies, hell, make them bisexual and wanting a female as a trio. Is there some three-way club you and Kayla joined and now you’re co-opting me or something.”
Tiff smiled. The girl could have been offended but she was so happy she didn’t give a crap about my outburst.
