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She carried on staring.
“Honest. Though I know my word is kinda worthless. I’ve been struggling with what I did to you.” I laugh mirthlessly at this. “Oh my God. See, I’m sitting here unburdening myself on you when I should be apologizing to you.”
“You already apologized, Smith. I’ve accepted your apology. Okay?” She said the okay firmly. “If you take another drink from today that shit can’t be excused by feeling guilt on what you did to me because I’ve drawn a line under it and my being here is your proof. So, what else?”
“I’ve been told my father’s a drug dealer and shown evidence that when drunk I made a fool of myself with a woman and she took photographic evidence.” I almost said I bit her and then I remembered Leonie didn’t know I was a vampire. “Her brother tried to use the photos as leverage, before he ended up shipped off to rehab.”
“The first thing you have to do Smith is to sort out your addiction. Let’s enjoy our lunch and then let’s find you a meeting, okay?”
I nodded. What choice did I have?
“Can we not mention this to anyone else right now?”
“You mean Serena?”
“Anyone. I can’t deal with their worry on top of everything else. When I’m feeling a little more stable then I’ll tell them. I don’t want to keep secrets from them.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
“But for now. Would you keep it between us? I need to get myself on track and then,” I sighed. “I need to confront my father and arrange to see the woman involved in the blackmail.”
The truth was that as a vampire I needed to visit one of our medical facilities. I’d been on medication helping to keep me on track but for some reason it had stopped working. But Leonie didn’t know that so I accepted her offer of finding me a group. What could it hurt? Leonie found a twelve-step meeting in a church. I entered the closed group, and the Chair called the meeting to order. This was followed by a period of silence and then the saying of the Serenity prayer. Then we were asked if anyone was new here.
I raised my hand.
“I’m Smith, and I’m an alcoholic.”
“Hey, Smith.” People replied.
“I thought I was just sensitive to it, but I realize I’m craving and so that’s what’s brought me here today. This is my first time coming to a group.”
The support was useful, and it was reassuring to see other people managing their addictions. Also to see that some people were struggling but that the group supported each other regardless. They gave me a chip that encouraged me to return. I placed it in my pocket.
I drove us back to Carbon Beach. “Thank you, Leonie, for your support today. Hopefully I can get my life back in order before I do something I can’t return from.”
She placed a hand on my arm. “I’m here if you need me, Smith, okay? We’re friends now.”
I reached over and kissed her cheek. “You deserve a great man, Leonie. Nothing but the best okay for you?”
“Okay.” She laughed. “Now get out of here. I’ve other things to do besides babysit you.” She was joking; it was written on her face and the fact we had this new budding friendship between us gave me something I’d not had for a long time—hope.
When I got back only Jayden was around so I made an excuse about a headache and that’s where I was now. In my room, spending time thinking things over. I had another meeting tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. You got the picture. I’d call the physicians tomorrow but I was going to go to meetings from now on. Medication on its own had not worked, and I felt the pressure that I couldn’t fuck up again.
15
Serena
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”
“No.”
“Are you going to tell me about any of your day?”
“Not until we’re at dinner.”
“Can I tell you about my day?”
“Nuh-uh. Not until we’re—”
