Page 45 of Ruck Me Harder

Slowly, I raise my eyes to hers. There’s no anger, just concern.

“I think she could,” I tell her quietly.

“Then go after her. Tell her. Show her.”

“It’s not that easy. She’s worried about her career.”

“Good. That means she’s still grounded in reality,” Cari says. “She’s not off in la la land. She’s thinking about how to make it work. So show her you’re in this. Prove that you’re serious about her.”

I carry my sister’s words with me throughout the day. All through training, it’s all I can think about. Even when Coach yells at me to get out of my head, I can’t seem to bring myself to focus on the here and now.

“What’s with you today?” Brody asks when I fall for the third time in five routines on the high bar.

“Got a lot on my mind.” Dusting myself off, I head for the chalk bowl and prepare to start again.

“Well, you need to focus. Compartmentalize all of that shit,” he says. “World’s will be here in a few weeks. They’re watching all of our practices ahead of selection camp next week. You’ve got to be on your game.”

“I know, I know.”

Nothing he’s saying is news to me. I know how this works. Next week, they’ll decide who goes to the Worlds Championships and who will go to the other competitions rounding out the rest of the year. I’ve gone through this process for years. Usually, I’m better at turning my brain off and focusing on the skills.

Today? All I can think of is Vivienne. What if I lose her before we ever have a chance to begin?

nineteen

. . .

Viv

Alycia has called me twice before nine o’clock in the morning. This is big, because she lives on the west coast, and it’s still six o’clock her time. As much as I don’t want to talk to her, I think I have to.

What if she tells me to break off this thing with Tony? What if my sponsors pull my funding? Am I strong enough to push back and stand up for myself?

I’d like to think I am. I’d like to think this fledgling thing Tony and I have is worth sacrificing my career for.

So when Alycia calls for the third time, I answer it before it can ring.

“Tell me about the boyfriend,” she says immediately.

“It’s new.”

I can practically hear her eyes roll. “I’m sure it is. Tell me about him.”

“What do you want to know?”

She sighs. “Okay, he’s your teammate’s brother and he’s an athlete. Does he have representation?”

“I’m not sure,” I say honestly. I’m not surprised she already knows this. She probably has a dossier on everyone in my life.

“Pump It Up is intrigued,” Alycia says after a pause. “They’d be interested in doing a feature.”

I freeze. “What?”

Pump It Up Protein Powder is one of my biggest sponsors.

“They’d like to pay you to feature some of their products. It would be a series of posts and videos with both of you featured,” she says.

“You’ve already heard from them?”