Page 17 of What Should Have Been Ours

I pause at that because…I’m afraid of so much when it comes to him.

“That it’ll feel too good being around him.”

That I’ll forgive him for forgetting about me, that it will feel like coming home, that it will feel just like it always did with him, that I’ll let myself hope for the outcome I always dreamed of having with him.

Kinsley’s face softens, hopping up to sit on the edge of my desk. “Gab, it’s just hot chocolate. You can keep the expectations low, just enjoy seeing an old friend—an old, very hot friend,” she winks.

I look up at her. “You make it sound so simple.”

She shrugs. “It is simple, you want to see him, don’t you?”

I nervously chew on the end of my pen, not answering, but I don’t need to. She already knows how much I want to see him.

Kinsley grins. “Exactly, so, just go. Leave the expectations here and just go have fun.”

I let out a slow breath, glancing at the time on my computer screen.

Crap, it’s time for me to leave.

This is really about to happen.

I grab my bag, trying to stuff my laptop, folders, and the butterflies threatening to take over my stomach into it.

Standing up from my desk, I pause, looking at Kinsley. “If this ruins me, it’s your fault. I’m blaming you for not letting me run away.”

Giddiness overtakes Kinsley. “If it ruins you, I’ll be here to pick up all the pieces with you, I promise. But Gab,” She hops off the desk, coaxing me to the door, “I don’t think it will.”

I don’t say anything back. I just nod at her and walk out of the clinic, my heart beating so fast.

I’m starting to question every decision in my life that has led me to this moment.

* * *

The drive to the cafe felt entirely too short. Even being stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic didn’t give me enough time to mentally prepare myself to see him again. When we ran into each other the other week, it was just that, running into an old friend. No pre-formed expectations, no long conversations, no re-living of the past, no emotions I wasn’t ready to face. It was an unexpected and unplanned moment. Easy to walk away from.

Once I walk in here, I know this time, it won’t be easy to walk away after.

What if seeing him again opens back up something inside me I swore I closed years ago? What if it proves what I’ve been trying to deny all week? That I never really let him go? No matter how much time has passed, Cam still holds a piece of me that I’ll never get back unless he’s with me.

I swallow down my emotions, gripping the steering like it might stop the flood of memories threatening to surface.

I know that the second I step inside that cafe, it won’t just be about hot chocolate and small talk.

It’ll be him.

It’ll be us.

And I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

Just go inside already Gabrielle.

Yeah, well. That’s easier said than done.

My gaze drifts over to the Cafe, and I’m hit with that wave of memories.

We would always convince our parents to take us there when we were allowed out of the hospital or after check-up appointments. Then, when we became teenagers, we would go there for nostalgic purposes.

I can still hear his laugh so vividly in my head, can still see the whip cream mustache he’d get before dramatically wiping it away.