Page 31 of What Should Have Been Ours

I don’t remember leaving the room. But suddenly, I’m in the hallway, my back against the cold wall, my hands still trembling.

Wes is beside me, scrubbing a hand down his face. “I hate this job sometimes.”

I don’t answer. I just stare at my hands.

We’ve lost kids before. We knew going into this field that not every battle would be won. But it never gets easier.

It never, ever gets easier.

Watching a child lose this battle breaks your heart each time like it’s the first.

I don’t even realize how long I’ve been sitting there until my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, barely focusing until I see the name on the screen.

My Future Wife: Don’t tell me you’re already backing out. I was looking forward to watching you embarrass yourself out there.

I blink, rereading the message twice.

Normally, I’d have something cocky ready. Some stupid flirtation to throw back at her. But right now? Right now, I’m too tired.

I stare at the screen for a long time before finally typing a response.

Cam: I’m not. Just a long day. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?

I hesitate, then type again.

Cam: It was really nice hearing from you today Gab.

I hit send, exhaling slowly, then lean my head back against the wall, closing my eyes.

I’m just ready to go home and wash today off of me. This part never gets easier to handle, but the thought of seeing Gabrielle tomorrow seems to make the weight in my chest feel a little lighter. It gives me something good to look forward to.

I push off the wall, running a hand down my face, trying to shake off the lingering grief clinging to me like a second skin. Wes watches me, his own exhaustion clear in the tight lines of his face.

“You good?” he asks, quieter now. No teasing, no jokes, just a friend who knows exactly what this job does to you.

I nod, even though I’m not. “Yeah. Just need to get out of here.”

He exhales, rubbing a hand over his jaw. “Yeah. Me too.”

Neither of us moves right away, the space around us feeling too heavy.

I glance down at my phone again, rereading Gabrielle’s last message before I finally push off the wall.

My Future Wife: See you tomorrow Cam.

Wes gives me a nod, but his eyes linger on me a little longer, like he’s debating whether or not to say something. Eventually, he just lets out a breath and waves me off. “Go get some sleep, man. And try not to embarrass yourself in front of your future wife tomorrow.”

I flip him off without looking back.

13

Gabrielle

I stare at my phone, rereading Cam’s last message for the thousandth time.

Cam: I’m not. Just a long day. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?

It’s not that the words themselves are bad. They’re…fine. Normal. But something about them feels off. They’re less teasing. Less flirtatious. Less…him.