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"What's wrong?" I glanced around. Everybody seemed to be behaving themselves. There were no fights, no hissing or extended fangs anywhere. Since this was the monthly family-and-friends night, all the vampires—even the Vlad wannabe—were on their best behavior.
"Look over there. Standing beside Wade." She stared. Hard.
I glanced in the direction in which she was looking. Next to Wade stood a woman who was clearly a vampire, but unlike any I'd ever seen. Her hair had been back-combed into a huge, coppery-colored bouffant. She was short and stout and wore a polyester pantsuit. Her handbag was big enough to slam-dunk a mugger with. And Wade had her nose and her eyes.
"Oh great gods, is that his mother?" I asked, unable to tear my eyes away from the pair. "Don't tell me she's—"
"A vampire, too? Yes, she is. I was hoping to avoid meeting her, but I guess she decided it was time to get a look at what Wade's been doing here." Menolly frowned.
Wade seemed a little irritated, too. His usual cheer had taken on a strained quality, and he looked even more pale than usual. But when he glanced up and spotted us, the gloom disappeared, and he waved us over. Menolly let out a long sigh as we maneuvered through the rows of chairs.
"Let's get this over with," she said. "This might just be the deal breaker."
"I'm the one who has to worry that she might bite. What's wrong with you?" I teased her.
"You don't understand," she said. "You've never heard Wade talk about his mother. I can't believe somebody went and turned her into a vampire. I'd like to rip the balls off of whichever idiot did it."
I choked, and she thumped me a good one on my back, but it was too late. Wade's mother heard me coughing and turned our way. Within seconds, she'd reached our side and was rooting through that giant handbag of hers. She finally found what she was looking for—a menthol cough drop—and shoved it my way.
"Here, dearie, you sound like you're catching a cold. Take this—go on, take it!" she insisted as I shook my head. "I have plenty, and you—you're still among the living. If you don't take it, you might end up with pneumonia, and let me tell you, a pretty girl like you doesn't want to take to her sickbed. You don't have our natural protection against disease, you know. Go on, now, it'll soothe your throat. Take it!" As she pressed the cough drop into my hand, she turned to Wade and gave him a little swat on the arm. "Well, don't just stand there. Introduce us."
Wade closed his eyes briefly, as if trying the old I'm asleep and when I open my eyes this will all be over ploy. When he blinked and saw that she was still there, he forced a smile.
"Mother, this is Delilah D'Artigo. And this is her sister Menolly. I told you about Menolly, remember? Girls, this is my mother, Mrs. Belinda Stevens."
Wade's mother looked us up and down as if we were stray cats that her son had dragged home. Especially Menolly. She flashed us a bright smile, but her eyes were cold. Whether her reserve was from her being a vampire or not, I wasn't sure. She held out her hand languidly, almost as though she didn't really want to touch us.
Menolly accepted her hand and shook it with a squeeze that brought a little gasp from Mrs. Stevens. I gave Belinda a nod.
"So nice to meet you, girls." She peered closer. "Wade tells me you're both half-Faerie." The word Faerie came out with a horrendously nasal twang, making it sound like some dread disease. "You have another sister, yes? She's the one who wears the corsets so tight it's a wonder that her boobs don't pop out over the top, am I right?"
Menolly let out a little cough as if she were about to say something, but I jabbed her in the ribs, and she turned her head.
Belinda Stevens walked among the rolls of those most dreaded of all women, both Earthside and in Otherworld, whether you were Fae, a vampire, a Were, or human: the boyfriend's mother.
"Camille is a force unto herself," I said, stepping in. "She's dynamic and vital, and without her, we'd be lost."
Wade edged closer to his mother, tapping her on the elbow. "Pull in your fangs, Mother. These are my friends."
"And Menolly here is more than just a friend, so you say." Belinda arched one eyebrow in a fair imitation of Mr. Spock and transferred her purse to a nearby chair. "So tell me, girls, how long have you been on Earth?"
"We prefer the term Earthside to on Earth. We aren't, after all, aliens from another planet," Menolly said, her words crisp. "Otherworld and Earthside were linked together in the past. Long ago."
"I see," Belinda said. Quite clearly, she didn't. "And so how long have you been Earthside?"
"About seven… maybe eight months." Menolly's eyes were taking on a shine that I didn't like. I'd seen that look before, when she was staring at something that she considered a blight on existence. Trillian, for example, or wine spritzers or cockroaches.
"And how long have you been a vampire, dearie?" Honey would have oozed faster than the saccharine sweetness flowing off the woman's tongue.
Menolly let out a loud sigh. Obviously, Wade had not warned his mother about touchy subjects, or she wouldn't be so nosy. "Twelve Earthside years, Mrs. Stevens. And you? How long ago were you killed and raised?"
Blinking as if surprised to be asked such an intimate question, Belinda shrugged. "Two years now. I'm actually grateful, though. I can watch over my little boy forever," she said, patting Wade on the arm.
He grimaced, and I heard Menolly suck in a deep breath—purely reflex since she didn't need to breathe. I grabbed her by the shoulder, gripping her tightly. She stiffened, then relaxed.
"Isn't that so incredibly sweet?" she said as Wade gave her a hopeless look. Nothing he could do would stop his mother from her appointed task to gather and assimilate personal information.
Belinda paused for a moment, then, "Twelve years? You must have been a young girl when it happened. So little life experience; what a pity."
