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He grimaced, and I heard Menolly suck in a deep breath—purely reflex since she didn't need to breathe. I grabbed her by the shoulder, gripping her tightly. She stiffened, then relaxed.
"Isn't that so incredibly sweet?" she said as Wade gave her a hopeless look. Nothing he could do would stop his mother from her appointed task to gather and assimilate personal information.
Belinda paused for a moment, then, "Twelve years? You must have been a young girl when it happened. So little life experience; what a pity."
Menolly snapped then. "Actually, I'm probably almost as old as you were at the time of your death, though I look a damned sight better. I'm the youngest of my sisters, so right now—including the twelve years I've been a vampire—I'm about fifty-five years old, counting by your calendar. Is there anything else you want to know? How many men I've slept with, or maybe my bra size?"
Uh-oh. Wanting out of the way of any resulting fireworks, I edged my way toward Sassy Branson. She liked me. She'd protect me if anything happened. Because I knew there was no way in hell that I could fight my way out of a room of bitchy vampires.
As I took one step too many and ended up in Sassy's lap—she was sitting right behind me—she put her arms around me and pulled me against her to whisper in my ear. "I'm betting that Menolly wishes she could take his mother down and stake her right now. Too bad she can't. At least, not here. Listen, if the going gets rough, you just stay by me, okay?" She let out a shuddering sigh. I realized she could hear the pulse of my blood, and even though I wanted to break away and run, I knew better. I just nodded. Vigorously.
The rest of the room seemed to pause, the other—living—guests warily backing toward the exits. The last thing we needed were for the vampires to get set off because of a cat-fight. Even though Belinda wasn't exactly model material, the sight of two women rolling around in a wrestling match might just do it for these guys, and the fact that there were a few meals-on-wheels like me around would only serve to heighten their excitement.
Wade eased his way between Belinda and Menolly. He gently pushed them apart. "Mother, Menolly, back off. We don't want a fight here." He glanced at each one in turn.
Speak for yourself , psych-boy, I thought. Menolly loved a good fight. And it looked like Belinda was no slouch in the rough-and-ready category herself, though I'd wager she'd deny it.
"Please, Mother," he added, whispering so low that I could barely hear him. Only my cat's hearing helped me pick up what he was saying. "This is my group. Don't embarrass me in front of them."
She gave him that icy stare that only irate mothers can give and then sighed and sat down, shaking her head. "Have it your way. Ignore the fact that I gave birth to you and spent thirty-two hours in labor. Ignore the fact that I put you through medical school when that no-good father of yours disappeared and that I made sure you had enough to eat and all the clean clothes you could ever want. You're an adult now. But all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I just try to find out a little bit about this girl you've fallen for, and you both nearly stake me for my questions. Don't mind me—I'm just an old woman, and my feelings don't count—"
Wade pressed his lips together and shook his head at the ceiling. "I'm sorry, Mother. You know I appreciate all you've done for me—"
"And I keep on doing for you, and it looks like now I'll be your mother forever, or until you drive me into the sun with your lack of consideration!"
Menolly bit her lip so hard I could see the tooth marks. She touched Wade on the arm. "I think we'd better get the meeting started." Ignoring Belinda entirely, she turned and walked away, effectively slapping the woman in the face.
I turned, wildly looking around for something to focus my attention on so I wouldn't break into hysterical laughter. Sassy noticed my expression and did the last thing in the world I was prepared for. She grabbed me and planted her lips full on mine as one of her hands reached up to caress my breast.
Shocked by how good her kiss felt, how exquisite her touch felt, I let her lock lips with me, swooning as I wondered languidly if she'd take me home with her and do delicious things to my body all night long. But, amid the lingering kiss and ensuing fantasies running through my mind, I realized my danger. Trying to keep panic at bay, I did my best to push Sassy back. Menolly had beat the warnings into my head: Vampires Are Not Safe. Do Not Mess Around with the Undead. Do Not Offer Yourself As a Willing Slushy Machine.
Don't get me wrong, the concept of having sex with another woman wasn't the issue—that had occurred to me before, and I expected one day I'd act on it—but Sassy was a vampire, not an FBH anymore, and her tongue in my mouth was a little more than I could handle at the moment. I had no designs, past my immediate carnal reaction, on being her love bunny.
As I was starting to get afraid that I hadn't objected quickly enough, Sassy broke it off. Staring at me with glittering eyes, she grabbed my hand and dragged me to the back of the room.
"Sorry about that," she muttered. "I just didn't want you to laugh. That might have caused problems. Most vampires take themselves way too seriously, and the laughter thing kind of gets to them."
"And you don't?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Heaven help me, no." She grinned at me and patted her hair back in place. "My dear, I didn't reach the age I did by taking myself seriously. You have to let go and laugh. It's a lesson I learned the hard way during life, and it's one that I hope never to forget in death. Undeath."
"Thank you," I murmured, still shaken by my reaction to her. "I think." Once I made sure we were well away from the melodrama playing out with Wade and his mother, I added, "I thought for sure there would be bloodshed between Menolly and Belinda."
Sassy stifled a laugh. "I think it's funny. Menolly's just trying to be accepted by Wade's nest, my dear, and her way of doing that is to earn the respect of his mother through asserting herself."
Somehow I didn't think Menolly gave a rat's ass about being accepted by Belinda Stevens, but I kept my mouth shut.
"I do pity the poor boy," Sassy continued. "I gather somebody got pissed off at him and turned his mother into a vampire in retaliation. Wade and his mother never got along in life. Now she's going to be on his back forever, because I can guarantee you, women like that do not give up control over their sons."
I glanced over my shoulder at the trio and shuddered. Just another reason why I never intended to marry. My family was warped enough, but add somebody else's family to the mix, and the possibilities were nightmarish. I turned back to Sassy.
"So, we really are looking forward to your party next week," I said, striving for some sense of normalcy.
She beamed. "My dear, it's simply going to be the event of the season! I'm glad you're coming," she added, reaching out to sweep my bangs out of my eyes. "You really are a lovely girl," she said in a husky voice, and I realized that Sassy was hiding more than the fact that she was a vampire. She was definitely a woman's woman. My stomach lurched as she swept her gaze up and down my body. The scary thing was that I found myself responding to the invitation. Vampires could charm Fae, but not as easily as they could humans.
"My boyfriend thinks so, too," I said, deciding that Chase had uses I hadn't put to the test. Deflecting interested vamps might just be one of them.
Sassy gave me a curious look, then after a moment shook her head and turned away. "It looks like they're ready to start the meeting," she said. "By the way, at my party, please remember that most of my old friends don't know I'm dead, so mum's the word."
