Page 51 of Crossroads

The next morning, I was still sore, but I didn’t care. Instead, I finished my daily yoga, went through my emails that my team had already gone through, so I wasn’t going to be surprised by anything, and worked on a few more lyrics. I had the song in my head pretty much down. “Rotten Pines” and even “Paper Wings”. I had a few more ideas, but I wasn’t sure if they were ready for the band or not. I was never going to be a solo act, but I had a feeling that my words with Gabriel’s voice would be exactly what I needed.

I seriously didn’t know how I had gotten so lucky with this band, but I was. And now I need space.

Because I was so damn afraid. Not of my ex. Though I probably should be. No, I was afraid of Bodhi. And even thinking those words would be terrible for him. I would never want to hurt him, but I knew he was going to hurt me. There was no other way about it. He was going to hurt me because I had fallen for him, and we weren’t going to talk about it. I was in love with Bodhi Ashford. I whispered the words, and I wasn’t even sure he had heard.

My time in Ashford Creek was rapidly dwindling. I hadn’t even meant to stay here this long, and yet I had used my entire vacation wrapped up within these mountains and in Bodhi’s arms.

And that was enough of that line of thought. I had come to Ashford Creek to lick my wounds and find a way to breathe. I had done that, and now I needed to go back to the real world. I needed to leave Bodhi behind. After all, he had to be nearly ready for that as well. There was likely only so much he could handle when it came to me. I knew that. He knew that. So, finding my own path sounded like the best thing.

But why did that concept make my stomach turn?

My phone buzzed, and I quickly texted back the band group chat, knowing that soon we would be talking in person. We had spent too long apart and were far too codependent for this.

Rocky

What is this I hear about a bearded broody man?

Gabriel

It wasn’t me. I didn’t say anything.

Rocky

You just did.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and told myself that this was for the best. Secrets hurt bands. They hurt friend groups. And therefore I needed to be open and honest when it came to my friends.

Even if all I wanted to do was run away and pretend it wasn’t happening.

Me

Don’t worry about it. I’ll be back soon, and you don’t need to deal with me like that.

Rocky

Deal with you like what? Do I need to go find this man and hurt him? Is he hurting our baby?

I rolled my eyes, wondering why I had even said anything. Rocky was like a dog with a bone when it came to her people. The group chat continued to go off, and I ignored it to the best of my ability. The more I ignored it, the easier it would be to move on and find my new normal.

And why was I laughing at myself when I thought those words?

My phone buzzed again, and this time it was from a slightly closer group chat.

Teagan

I’m going to take an early lunch because I want to hurt my boss, so what do you say we meet up at the bakery? I could use a panini.

My lips twitched, but the thought of meeting her out there did sound nice. I would have to see if she could pick me up or if Bodhi could take me. It just occurred to me that this whole time, I hadn’t had a car. I had been getting along decently well on my own, but at some point, I probably should have worried about the fact that I had relied on other people this entire time.

I found, wondering where those thoughts had come from, I was allowed to rely on people. Right?

Me

That sounds good. What time?

We made our plans, and I was grateful to have this woman in my life. I had been friends with Briar for years—ever since I had joined the band. Teagan had been on the periphery, as she did her best to be with her sister as much as possible. But this time had brought me closer to Teagan, just like it had her brother. Perhaps this time was exactly what I had needed. And being with the Ashfords was a trip all on its own.

I quickly put down the phone and finished getting ready for the day. Yoga had stressed me out, which was the exact opposite of its goal, but my brain couldn’t help but go in a thousand different directions sometimes.