Page 1 of Lethal Weakness

Chapter One

Linden

“Mommy. I have a snack?”

“When we get settled inside, honey.”

“Why?” Avery’s one-word question- that single syllable- forces a breath through my nose. It’s never asked just once.

“Because we need to unload the car. All your snacks are packed away.” I pull past the driveway next to the correctly numbered mailbox, checking my mirrors before backing slowly up the overgrown, weed-infested gravel drive.

“Why?”

“Because it’s our first day in our new house.” The little white cracker box that is our new rental looms in my rearview mirror. The siding is graying and mildewed, and the concrete porch steps are hardly holding themselves together.

A reflection of my life.

“Why?”

“Avery… Give mommy one second.” I reverse until my trunk is near the crumbling pavers that lead to the front porch, shift into park, and take one long, deep breath.

Our new home.

“Mommy.”

One more deep breath.

“Mommy.”

I exhale upward, blowing my wispy self-cut curtain bangs out of my eyes. “Yes, honey?”

“I get out now?”

“Of course. Mommy just needed a second. Are you ready?” I turn around in my seat to look at my sweet baby girl and give her my best enthusiastic smile.

Three and a half years old, blonde hair, and filled with sunshine. The light of my life. The only reason that I can keep going.

“Ready, ready!” She giggles, tugging at her immovable car seat straps. She just started forward-facing in her car seat despite my reluctance because this new-to-me used car was too small to keep her rear-facing comfortably.

I spent hours trying to make it work because her safety means everything to me, but none of my Google searches or parenting blogs could help me this time.

I never understood the pull to be a mother. Not because I didn’t like kids. I was a part-time nanny throughout college, and loved it. I was just never eager to start a family. Not opposed, just not ready. But when the blue lines showed up on my dollar store pregnancy test, my entire world changed.

And now I know how it feels to have your entire heart walking around outside of your body. My entire life is hers, and it doesn’t feel at all like the sacrifice I thought it would be. It’s a privilege to get to raise such a wonderful little girl.

All I want to do is keep her safe and happy.

“Mommy!” She giggles.

“Sorry, I’m coming.” I jump out of the car to get her unbuckled, and she smiles sweetly at me, kicking her feet. I only want her to get the best version of me, even when the days feel impossible. “I love you.”

“Love you, too, Momma.”

“Grab your purse, and wait on the steps. I need to grab some bags from the trunk.”

She snatches up her glittery sequined purse from the floorboard and skips behind me to the back of the car, hovering just inside my personal bubble instead of following my previous instructions.

Our trunk is stuffed with all we have. Two suitcases and a few boxes. All of Avery’s toys are still in the back seat, and my most prized possession is the brand-new air mattress that’s in the passenger seat.