Page 22 of Shadowborne: Reckoning

Bren would find out if Hanson knew who Ruin really was. I would determine if the Fyrehold king was an ally or a victim. Together we’d work to uncover whether Ruin was a criminal in every part of his life, or only his personal dealings.

Then we had to get home safely. Together.

Bren agreed with every conclusion. She’d stopped shaking, and stood in front of me, her arms folded, nodding when I suggested we change nothing, except to watch and look for Ruin.

But her eyes were dark, and she never smiled.

Once we’d agreed that, at least for now, we had to return to the castle, she stepped away as if she’d walk back to the dragons, but I caught her arm and turned her back to face me.

‘Just… take a moment with me,’ I sent so there was no chance of Benji overhearing. ‘I know this has been toughest on you most of all. Talk to me.’

She looked down at her feet. Her arms tightened so she hugged herself, but she shrugged. ‘It’s… awful,’ she said. ‘I feel like there are eyes on my back, and I feel like they’re his and… there’s nothing I can do. If he’s telling the truth, we have to work with him. And if he’s not, we have to prove it, and defeat him. Either way…’

I reached for her, pulling her into me. She came easily, even rested her head on my chest, but her arms didn’t unfold, and I felt a shiver ripple through her.

‘Bren, I’m here.’

‘I know. If you weren’t, I’d be losing my mind. But… when he appeared, I panicked,’ she sent, her pitch increasing with self-recrimination. ‘I stopped thinking—I fled on Akhane. I forgot Benji. I just ran.’

‘We all lose ourselves sometimes, especially in shock.’

‘It’s so frustrating. I didn’t even think. I can’t just run any time something bad happens!’

‘You won’t,’ I sent firmly, then pulled back enough to look down at her. Her eyes shone with unshed tears. ‘Next time you’re taken off guard, you’ll remember this. You’ll know what to do. That’s the skill only experience can provide. You learned. You made decisions. You turned to fight—right?’

‘Yes, but only after—’

‘Next time, you’ll do it faster. None of us gets everything right the first time.’

‘We don’t have time for me to learn now!’ Her eyes were big and round, pleading with me.

I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘We don’t have any choice. This is why I didn’t want to throw you straight into a mission without proper training. You’ve already exceeded my expectations… you’ve done a stunning job. Don’t let one hurdle set you back.’

‘But—’

‘Bren… We’re here. We’re safe. We know more than we did hours ago. Now, we go back to work, and pray for safety.’

I stroked a hand up and down her back and tried to breathe slowly, let her feel my calm and readiness to face this, praying it would help her feel the same.

Eventually she sighed. ‘Thank you.’

‘Come to me, Bren. When you’re scared. Or you just need a moment. Come to me. Let me help.’

‘I’m a Furyknight, and a Shadowfang. I can’t spend my entire career running to you every time I feel scared,’ she sent bitterly.

I lifted her chin and made her meet my eyes again. ‘No. But the first few days after a shock like that? Any one of us would need support. More than that—I’m your mate. I need to help you for my own sanity. Did you know that when a healing pair help any of us with a mortal wound, they take some of the pain we experience?’

She blinked. ‘I didn’t, but what—’

‘Anytime I see a healer work on a significant wound or illness, I send them away for time together. To rest. To replenish. When Furyknights meet battle—win or lose—the moment we are safe to do so, I tell them to sit, and think. To process. To be together with those who shared the fight.

‘We all need that, Bren. Not just you. I’m telling you, it’s a blessing we’re here together. When we are in our room at night, I’m not your Commander and you’re not a spy. I’m your mate, and your lover, and your partner. You need me, and I need you. It’s a gift that we have the chance to be here for one another. After this day, after this revelation, no one would walk on without shaking. So… let me help you steady. I won’t hold on once your steps are strong, I promise.’

I leaned down and kissed her, and she finally uncurled her arms and wrapped them around me, holding me tightly.

When we pulled apart, it was to find Benji, now out from under Kgosi’s wing, standing there, glaring at us.

I gave him a warning look. I’d decided not to add to her pressure tonight by telling her what he’d thought. I’d fill her in on that when she’d had a chance to breathe. The blow she’d already taken was enough for tonight.