Page 72 of Graciously His

Tonight, I promise myself.

For now, I have to follow through.

I lower my voice to its most commanding register. “You are not coming to Auckland. You heard what Eileen said—you are getting better, and we need to stay the course. That means you stay here, where you’re relaxed and safe, and you don’t do anything to increase stress, inflammation, or anxiety.”

“Doctor’s orders, that’s what you’re saying to keep me here?” She pulls out her phone. “Let’s call Eileen now and ask if she thinks I can handle a field trip.”

I pluck her phone from her hand.

Grace stares, first at her empty hand, then up into my eyes.

“Let me explain this to you,” I say, putting her phone in my breast pocket, “so you can wrap your head around it while I’m gone. You do not dictate the terms of your health, nor does Eileen. She is a consultant I have employed. I won’t allow you to abuse her professionalism by pretending to need her help when the only person you need is me. And here is what I say: you are staying home today.”

Grace’s hands shake as she clutches the clothes to her chest. “Give me my phone, Nate. Right now.”

“You’ll get it when I come home. If you need anything while I’m gone, use the landline in my office to call me. Do you understand?”

Her lips tremble before she answers. “Why are you doing this?”

Because this is how I want you.

I wrap my arms around her. She resists, dropping the clothes and pressing her palms against my chest. I hold her tighter, bringing my mouth to her ear.

“You’ve forgotten who you’re married to, Grace. But I’ll remind you—when I get home.” I pull back enough to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Be my gracious girl while I’m gone.”

With that, I step away.

“You are a fucking brute,” she hisses from behind me, “and I still hate you.”

I stop, feeling my shoulders go up defensively before I can stop them.

Fucking brute—I still hate you.

I turn my face just enough that she’ll see my profile. I can’t look at her right now, when the urge to pin her down and break her is suddenly so strong.

“I’ll answer that when I get home, wife.”

With my heart throbbing painfully and my teeth gritted, I leave Grace behind.

Chapter 29

Grace

The house rings with Nate’s absence. Usually, I’m the one who leaves—when I get up before he does, when I go walking with Mihi, when I need to work on my final project. I’ve initiated every moment of separation so far, always coming back like the pathetic, needy thing I am. He’s bound me here with the care and sex and affection I’ve come to crave. Now he’s gone.

And he took my phone.

The thought is enough to make my stomach hurt. Nate and I have lived together for a month, and every single day has improved my health. There have been no orange days and many turquoise ones, though I continue to track them in greyscale. Most of my symptoms tapered after a period of ‘die-off’, which Eileen coached me through, usually on video calls with Nate in attendance.

Part of me still hasn’t accepted that the real reason for my healing is down to changing locations—and husbands. Because, on top of all that medical care, there have been evenings with Nate. And mornings. And afternoons. All those times I’ve let him touch me, take me, fuck me. Each time erased more of my relationship with Nick, releasing the hurt I’d kept locked tight without realising it. This past month, I’ve had more sex than the sum total of my ten-year marriage, and I’ve almost stopped keeping track of what I’ve consented to. I give, and Nate takes—and I’ve never been better, despite how shame still twists me to its mould.

Now, here I am. Alone with it, already reshaping.

Mother’s absence is a wound that’s scabbed over. I’ve only picked at it during weak, idle moments. I’ve asked Nate about her a few times, and he’s told me the same thing for weeks: she’s being handled. Now that he’s left me and taken my phone, all I want to do is dig right back into that old wound, and rip it open.

Restless, I leave the bedroom. I don’t have my phone, but I do have my laptop. I step into the office then pause. I don’t have to be alone for this. Heading to the kitchen, I call for Shep. The big boy is already at the door, as if he knew I’d need him.

“You can be my emotional support dog today, right?” I motion him further into the house. He hesitates in the corridor, dark eyes concerned. “Nate left, and that means we’re allowed to go anywhere we want. Come on.”