Page 63 of About the Green

“Yep, it's been a long while.”

She squeezes my hand. “Sometimes we have to make decisions that aren't the best for us, but are the best for Lee. Do you understand what I mean?”

No one calls her Lee besides Lidia and Racquelle. I don’t understand the difference between us and Lee. “No, I... I didn't realize that you would have to sacrifice yourself just for the family.”

“I don't think you should think of it as a sacrifice, and it's not much different than what I'm doing now. I’m still working for this family.”

“It's going to be completely different. What do you mean? You're going to have to live with this man. You're going to have to be his wife.” I scrunch my nose. “Legally, you'll belong to him.”

“Legally, I can't belong to anyone, Nina.” Standing from where she sat beside me on the couch, she walks to her purse on her bar. “But outside of that, I really want to believe that everything happens for a reason, and even still, I have a plan.” Returning with a tissue that I take, hoping I won't have to use it.

“You do?” I question, thinking that agreeing to the marriage was her plan.

She nods. “Yea. I’ve been with Colton before. I know exactly what he's like as a person. I don't think he's going to physically harm me, but I also know that he is as slimy and slippery as they come. So a marriage to me might be what he wants on the surface, but there's likely something else he's trying to get out of this deal. He's fucked over Dupont, and I'm sure he's fucking over Lafayette somehow too, and even the new faction. He's a lone wolf, and though I don't particularly like him, I at least know that I'm not in danger, and that much I can't say when I'm working the club every night.”

“But you can handle anything. I mean, you're you. Dominating, strong woman. Put them on their knees and take no shit from any one.” My brows furrow, still not able to see her giving into the demands of one man. Especially someone below her stature.

“I am. And power play is fun. It's natural for me. Though Colton doesn't particularly like submitting to me—he does. So at the very least, I know I have an interesting few months ahead of me.”

Sitting up on the couch, I really look at my friend who has held me through hard times and saved more than she could know. “I don't get why you would do this.”

“We worked hard, Nina. Everyone worked hard to make this deal happen, to bring Racquelle to her rightful place, so that we could exist in this world the way women should. We should be running it. We should be ruling it. And though on the outside it looks like I am taking a knee, bowing my head, I'm still a Queen in this game, and the game isn't over.”

My eyes water, not from sadness, but from the love I have for this woman in front of me. I have so much respect for everything she's done and everything she continues to do. All I wanted when I was sixteen was to be just like her. I tried my best and ended up making it my own, because at the end of the day I'm not strong like her, not in the same way.

“I know. You’re going to be okay. I’d never doubt you.”

I'm no dom, unfortunately. I'm the opposite. Destined to get taken advantage of, in a position similar to Liezel's.

“What’s really the matter then?”

“The man I told you about… that I slept with—” Vert is a good dom, he was, even without any preamble or context, perfect for me. That makes me weak. “I had let him get close, I'd shown him my hand, and now I'm at a disadvantage because I like it and he doesn’t feel the same.”

“I always say in power play, the sub is really the person in charge. They control the scene and they control what we do. We're making it good for them. However, some subs top from the bottom, you know what I'm saying?”

“I... I guess I just don't know that I can... I don't do it anymore. It was fun playing when we were getting here,” And it was. Teasing him, baiting him. But somehow I was the one who caught feelings. What the hell? “Now, we're here, and I have to stop. I don't know that I can stop.”

“Stop what, sweetheart?”

“I... me.”

She rearranges the pink streak of hair behind my ear. “Can I help you with anything? Tell me about it. Just because I made this agreement doesn't mean that I'm no longer here for you.”

“I know that.”

Her eyebrow kicks up. “Do you? You don’t have to be in practice to be familiar with what’s comfortable for you. I can talk with him, we can go into scene together. Does that help?”

“Going in scene together… I don’t think that will be possible. I know enough to be scared going under again even though, you and I, we worked on that.”

“We did,” she agrees. “Are you working on it with someone else?”

“Maybe,” a very generous description but it’s gotta count that for the first time in years, I’ve enjoyed sex.

More than enjoyed.

That stings even more.

Her eyes light. “Who? Who are you letting take you down?”