Page 53 of A Foolish Endeavor

“I shall tell him today when he returns. Then, he will surely wish to speak to you—not to berate you, I am certain, but to assist you in finding your way. You are our dear brother and we only want your happiness.” She rose and kissed Gilbert on the forehead. “We shall see you soon.”

Gilbert thanked his sister again and departed. He paused in the lane, staring morosely at Clayton House. Unwilling to face his father again, he decided to walk into Doddington. Entering the town, he found himself going straight to the tea shop—perhaps Nancy was there today. As he entered the establishment, he spied his childhood friend busy behind the counter. At the sound of the bell above the door, her head lifted, and he saw her face light up with pleasure.

“Gilbert,” she said, coming around from behind the counter. “You have returned from town then? I thought the Season not over yet.” She paused, before asking, “Did you—that is, are you returned with a fiancée? When I visited you in town, you said you had fallen quite in love with a beautiful lady. Did you make her an offer?”

“Oh, uh, no, Nancy—I return as single a man as when I last saw you. I do not know why I even told you such a story—I had no intention of marrying. I only wished to enjoy some dancing and parties. How are you?”

“I am well. Pray, sit, and I will bring you something, then we can chat. We are not so busy at present.” She gestured to a small table and hurried to place a sugar bun on a plate and bring it back to him. She took the seat opposite and sat, smiling.

“You look very well. Did you enjoy the rest of your time in town after your recovered from your fall?” she asked.

“For the most part, yes. There were still a few balls and parties to enjoy. You would be impressed with how much my dancing has improved, I think.”

She gave a merry laugh, and replied, “I shall hold you to one dance, at least, at the next Doddington assembly, that you may prove it.”

“You shall have as many as you like,” he said warmly. “How is business here at the shop?” He bit into the tasty bun, still warm, and considered the girl across from him as she told him amusing stories of some of the shop’s customers. She was so animated and pretty as she spoke. It was a shame she was not of a higher class, he mused. For even with her red hair and freckles, she had such an open, unartful face that she would have been most popular, no doubt, if she might have had a Season in town. With all her father’s businesses, she would have money enough one day, though, which made him wonder why she was still unmarried at one and twenty. She must have had offers. Her personality was pleasing and she had always been a good and loyal friend to him.

Friend. Was that not precisely what Charlotte had just said was most important in a marriage?

As Nancy chattered on, he found himself looking at her in an entirely new way. Childhood playmates, they had always gotten along and enjoyed each other’s company. Nancy was the one to whom he had always unburdened himself. She was so understanding. She had not berated him when he confessed that he had left school early. She understood his desire to avoid the church. Yes, she was a good friend. Perhaps he should give some consideration to marrying her. Mr. Slade might give her such a dowry that they might purchase a small estate and he could still live as a gentleman.

Another laugh from Nancy broke into his thoughts.

“You have such a peculiar expression, Gilbert,” Nancy said. “Are you quite well?”

Gilbert gave a small laugh. “Quite well, Nancy, thank you. In fact, I believe I am feeling the best I have felt since returning home.”

Chapter Forty-One

For the next few days, Gilbert kept as much as possible to himself. He spoke but little during family meals, and took long, rambling walks during the day. Often, he would end up in Doddington at the little tea shop, hoping to be able to chat with Nancy, but there was a different girl behind the counter now. He assumed Nancy felt it beneath her to work in one of her father’s businesses now that it was running successfully. Gilbert saw no reason to call upon her quite yet. He was certain he could make his offer of marriage to her at any time.

Marrying Nancy had become Gilbert’s new plan. He certainly had no other firm ideas for his future, as he had confessed to Frederick when his brother-in-law came to speak to him. Gilbert had been quite grateful for Frederick’s kind and solicitous manner during their long discourse. While confessing his disappointment in Gilbert’s actions, Frederick said as a second son himself, he understood the limited options available and the difficulty in finding your way.

“So, Gilbert,” he had said, “if you truly feel being a rector is not for you, then you had best not attempt it. Better to know now than after you take orders and begin your pastoral duties.”

“Thank you for your understanding, Frederick. Tell me—did you have doubts about entering the church? Would you have preferred to take over your family estate?”

Frederick had screwed his face up, thinking a while before replying, “I cannot say. Managing an estate is a tremendous amount of responsibility and, had I been the first-born son, I would have known that burden was mine to bear, so I would have been prepared for it. To take it on now would seem a tremendous hardship, so I am content as I am.”

“But—did you not think it unfair that your older brother gains it all and you get nothing?”

“I never resented my brother for his fortunate birth position, if that is what you mean. I always thought becoming a rector with a suitable living a fine future, even as I believed that lofty position might be years away. I am still so very grateful to your father for giving me the living at Clayton House. Had he not elevated me so quickly, I might still be only a poor curate, living at my family home on a mere thirty-five pounds a year, and wondering how to be able to afford a wife.”

“You were lucky,” Gilbert said in a voice tinged with bitterness. “I see no such fortunate offer coming to me.”

Frederick reached out and gripped Gilbert’s arm. “I was lucky, I suppose, but I also firmly believe that God puts you precisely where you are meant to be. It was His plan that I meet your dear sister, fall in love, and then be given the living here so that I could marry Charlotte. We are so happy and now we have a beautiful son. I could never have imagined such a future only a year or so ago.

“So, my point is, Gilbert,” Frederick continued, “I feel quite certain that there is a similar happy future for you, though you cannot see it yet. I urge you to put your faith in God and let Him reveal His plan for you in His own time.”

“You are so firm in your belief, Frederick. If I had had your faith in God, I might then have had what it takes to enter the church, after all. Instead, I have no hope for being given the same happy circumstances God sent you.”

Alone in his room later, Gilbert reflected on the conversation. He still felt his plan to marry Nancy was the best path forward, and had very nearly confided it to Frederick. But, instead, he had not shared his idea to propose to Nancy with his brother-in-law, nor with any other member of the family. He knew Dorothea, and possibly Lavinia, too, would think he was marrying beneath him, even though Nancy’s father was quite well off. Another reason Gilbert kept his plan a secret was due to remembering his confiding his love for Miss Wells to Dorothea, only to have his offer rejected, which had added significantly to his humiliation.

Better for me to make my offer to Nancy, have it accepted, and bring her to Clayton House as my future wife than to raise any expectations yet.

Gilbert let another three weeks slip by before he moved forward with his plan to make Nancy an offer. Dorothea departed for the journey back to Haverstone. She would have enjoyed a longer visit, she said, but after the many weeks with Gilbert in London and then coming back to Clayton House, it was past time for her to be with her own family again.

It was now early August. Gilbert had received a letter from Carter full of news of the final ball, during which several other eligible young ladies and gentlemen had announced engagements.