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I caught a sudden image of a rundown apartment, a pregnant werewolf, and the metaphorical wolf at the door. "Don't worry about it. As I said, I'm on the trail of another missing Were. I'l see what I can find out for you, though I can't promise anything."
"Thanks," she said, breathing softer. "My name's Mary. Mary Mae Vegas. I'm Paulo's fiancee."
And with that, I had two missing werewolves on my list. I made an appointment to visit her the next day and took down her address. Then, sipping the water Nerissa bought me, I put in a cal to Doug Smith and Saz Star Walker, but struck out. Nobody home. I asked Yugi to run their phone numbers through and get me addresses.
"Sure thing, Delilah. Anything to help out. Give me about ten minutes."
While waiting, I meandered over to Chase's office and stood there, my hand resting on the door molding as I stared through the slatted blinds behind the window. Normal y, I'd wander in and leave him a note, but somehow, it now felt off-limits. I wasn't his girlfriend anymore. He wasn't my boyfriend. We were . . . just friends. Part of me wanted to cry as I stared at the glassed-in office.
"You okay?" Nerissa asked, slipping up behind me. She gently placed her hand on my shoulder.
"No, not real y. Chase and I broke up. The Nectar of Life is having one hel of an effect on him, and he needs to find himself. It seems I'm in the way of him doing that." A hint of bitterness tinged my voice, a bitterness I didn't want to claim. "I understand what he needs to do. I real y do . . . but it hurts."
"Yeah, I guess it would. I've always been the one to do the breaking up, so I can't real y say I've been there. Except for Venus." Her voice took on a wistful tone.
"Did you love him?" Venus the Moon Child was the Rainier Puma Pride's shaman, and he was a wild man in more ways than one. But now he was under the protection of Queen Asteria and training as one of the Keraastar Knights, and the Pride was suffering with his absence, from what I'd been able to gather.
"Love him? It's hard not to love Venus, but not romantical y. No. But he was . . . he's a powerful man. And power is attractive and addictive." She let out a soft laugh. "But I'm happier now. Menol y and I fit together. And the men? They're just for fun. They aren't for keeps."
I patted her hand. "I'm glad my sister found you. She needs you. More than she'd ever let on."
And I needed someone, too, but as painful as the knowledge was, I knew it wasn't Chase. I'd always love him, but now that we'd parted the sheets, I knew that we weren't meant to be. Someone was out there, waiting for the right time to enter my life. And for some reason, the thought scared me spitless.
Because as much as I loved Chase, I was beginning to realize I'd never been in love with him. I'd been in love with the idea of being in love.
"Nerissa, I need to ask you something."
"What?" She let out a soft sigh and leaned against the glass, one knee bent with her foot against the wal .
"Does the Rainier Puma Pride blame me for Zach's condition? Does . . . does Zach blame me?" I had to know.
Nerissa let out a low whistle. "I've been waiting for this question, wondering when you'd final y break down and ask." She turned to me and, hands on my shoulders, gave me a little shake. "Girl, anything that happened to Zach was the fault of that fucking Karvanak. Don't blame yourself. I don't. Zach doesn't.
He just . . . he needs time alone to heal, to adjust to his new way of life."
I frowned, thoughts cartwheeling through my head. Chase needed time to adjust to living a thousand years beyond what he'd ever expected. Zachary needed time to adjust to living in a body that no longer worked the way it had. And for Camil e and me, we were being forced to adjust, to make our transitions now, her with the Dark Fae Queen and the Moon Mother, and me with Greta and the Autumn Lord. A whirlwind of change, a vortex that threatened to sweep us al up in a tornado. Only we weren't being carried to Oz, but instead, we were careening straight toward the mouth of the Sub Realms, where Shadow Wing waited for us, ready to eat our souls and the soul of the world.
"Oh!" Dizzy, I stumbled. Nerissa caught me up.
"Are you okay?"
I realized I'd forgotten to breathe and sucked in a deep lungful of air. After a moment, my shoulders relaxed, and I shook my head. "Just . . . my thoughts were whirling so fast that the room started to spin. I'l be fine. Real y."
And I meant it. I'd be fine--I couldn't walk Chase's path for him, nor Zachary's. I couldn't help Camil e shoulder her burden any more than she could take over mine. The only thing I could do was face my own life, my own fate. Without warning, a weight fel away from my shoulders, and I began to breathe easier as I realized how much guilt I'd been shouldering for things over which I had no control.
"You sure you're okay?" Nerissa looked around. "We could go sit down for a moment if you need to."
Shaking my head, I let out a long breath. "Real y, I'm fine. Or at least, I wil be." As I saw Yugi bustling over, I added, "Say, you never did answer me.
Does the Pride blame me?"
Her gaze flickered away from me, and she stared at the wal . "The Rainier Puma Pride doesn't blame you, no. But they blame Zach."
At that point, Yugi arrived.
He cleared his throat and handed me a piece of paper. "Here you go, Delilah. The information you needed." He glanced at Chase's office, then back at me and scuffed his foot on the floor. "I hope I'm not speaking out of place but . . . he misses you. I know he does. Whatever happened, it wasn't easy on him."
I patted the man's shoulder. "Yugi, I didn't send Chase away. He broke up with me. But we're stil friends."
