Page 113 of Secrets on Ice

“Hey, I know he has a reputation, but he’s not a cheater,” she says, defending him.

Maybe she’s right, but I don’t know if that’s true. “If we had gotten together and broken up, you would have sided with your brother, and we may not even have been friends anymore.”

“Hell no, you can’t get rid of me that easily. But I get what you’re saying.” She smiles.

“We good?” I ask her.

“We're good.” She reaches over and hugs me. “I love you, even if you have questionable taste in men.”

Cassidy went to bed ages ago, and I've been lying in my room, staring at the ceiling, trying to work up the courage to go over to Sully’s room and talk to him. It’s not going to be a great conversation because I don’t want to hurt him, but he deserves better than what I am giving him.

It’s now or never, Ember. So, I get up. I pad down the hall in my sleep shirt before I can talk myself out of it, and I stop outside his door. There's a light shining under it. Okay, well, at least he is awake. I knock so quietly that if he's asleep, he won't hear it, and I can go back to my bed and try another day.

“Yeah,” his deep voice calls out.

Dammit.

I open the door and walk into his room. He's in bed with a book, of all things, glasses on, which I didn't even know he wore, and something about that image, Sully in glasses reading in the lamplight, makes my chest ache before I've said a word.

“Hey.” He sets the book down.

“Can I come in?”

He nods, and I close the door behind me. I walk over and sit on the edge of his bed, close but not too close, and I make myself look at him.

“Things with Cass all okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, we’re good. And you?”

This makes him smile. “She gave me a grilling. Don’t worry, I told her it was a one-time thing. Actually, I blamed her and said that it wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t skipped dinner. She looked so guilty, so it worked.”

This makes me laugh because I know why she is feeling guilty, but I don’t say anything.

Silence falls between us. “Look, um …” I try to find the right words. “I think maybe we should stop … you know …”

“I agree.”

I still. Oh, he agrees. “You do?”

He nods. “Yeah, I do.”

Oh, I don’t know how I feel about that. I mean it’s what I want, but …

“Look, you should be single. You should be out there exploring and doing whatever you need to do to heal from Kevin.”

“That's very mature of you,” I say.

“I have my moments.” He grins.

“No, I mean it.” I pick at a loose thread on his duvet because it's easier than looking at him. “That's the problem. You're always so … fine about everything. You never once made it hard for me, and I don't think I've ever thanked you for it, I've just taken it.”

He seems surprised by my words. “We’re adults, and you've had a rough time. I'm not going to add to it.”

“See, that. That's what I mean.” I make myself put the thread down. “Cassidy said something today that's been eating at me. She said I always ran to you when we were kids, and now I'm doing it again. And she's right, Sully. Every time Kevin hurt me, I came and found you. And now I've done it again, exactly the same thing, years later, like I learned nothing.”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”

“But it’s true. I keep using you to feel better and then walking away, and you keep letting me.” I take a breath. “I’m a bitch.”