Page 37 of Beautiful Failure


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“And how much did you drink?”

“Is that really relevant?”

He nods and everyone turns their eyes towards me.

“As much as I could handle,” I say. “It depended on what type of day it was.”

“Did you ever tell your mom or your dad about your drinking problem?”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’ve never had a fucking drinking problem?” I really don’t feel like being here today and I’m seconds away from leaving. “I never had a father to talk to and my mom was drinking right there with me. All the time. So I’m pretty sure if I had a problem, she would’ve been the first person to point that out.”

“Your mom was your enabler?” He sounds shocked.

“Fuck you.” I stand up and grab my purse. “I don’t need this.”

“Emerald...”

“Call the judge. Tell her I’d rather do the jail time.” I ignore the “Don’t go” and “Come back” pleas of my classmates and storm out of the room.

I head straight for the parking lot. Then I remember that I don’t have a car anymore.

Sighing, I consider going back and apologizing, but I’m too angry right now and I don’t need him or anyone else judging me.

I start walking down the side streets, deciding that I’ll go to the fire department and wait for Henry to get off and take me home.

I feel my phone vibrating in my purse the entire way there and know it’s Tim trying to figure out where I’ve gone, but I ignore it.

The second I arrive at the fire station, the recruits who are sitting outside smile and wave at me.

Any other day, I would smile and wave back, but I simply nod and head inside.

“Good afternoon, Emerald.” The station’s receptionist beams as soon as she sees me. “How are you today?”

“Good. Is Henry in?”

“Not right now. He took a team out for lunch. Do you need me to call him?”

“No, that’s okay. You think it’d be okay if I waited in his office?”

“Of course it would.” She smiles and points down the hall. “You know the way.”

I return her smile and lock myself into his office, opening all the blinds. I need to get a good look at the sunshine every chance I can get over the next few days since I’ll be confined to a jail cell soon.

Pulling out my phone, I prepare to erase all of my missed calls, but there aren’t any. Just text messages:

“Emerald, I’m so sorry for offending you at today’s meeting, but I think you’re on the verge of having your breakthrough moment. Thank you for opening up. I’ll tell the judge we’re finally making progress. I expect to see you at the next session (early) so we can dig deeper...” Tim.

Ugh...I was actually looking forward to tasting prison Jell-O...

I save his message and notice there’s another one. Carter.

“Do you own a swimsuit? Not Your Prince Charming would like to know.”

“Tell him he needs to ask my evil stepmother.” I text back.

“Yes or no, Emerald?”

“Or.”

“In that case, it’s a date. I’ll come pick you up later. Wear jeans.”

“Can’t you tell that I’m trying to blow you off?”

“I look forward to you doing that in person someday. Six o’ clock.”

I don’t text him back. I just smile.

As I mentally go through which swimsuit I should wear, Henry unlocks his office door and steps inside.

“What happened today, Emerald?” He sits at his desk, looking concerned. “Your counselor called me half an hour ago and told me you walked out of a session.”

“He pissed me off.” I shrug. “I’m not an alcoholic and I don’t belong in there. I was just drunk that night and got out of hand. You have to believe me...”

He sighs and clasps his hands. “Do you remember the first week that Virginia brought you here to Blythe? Back when you were seventeen?”

“Yeah,” I say, but it’s a lie. I can’t remember anything about the first month I came here, except for Leah’s funeral, and a few months after that I was at NYU.

“You slept the first few days, which we figured was pretty normal.” There’s worry in his eyes. “But then you...You would pass out every night in the middle of your dinner. You screamed at either of us if we asked you something as simple as how you were feeling, but then you slowly shaped up. For the next few months you seemed okay, so we figured it was just a phase and sent you all the way up to NYU...”

“Me being upset about my mother’s death proves I’m a drunk?”

“After Virginia brought you home from NYU—the very next day, we had to call the medics to pump your stomach. One of my recruits found you passed out in the backyard.”

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