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He shuts me up with a kiss. “You complain about everyone telling their stories and crying, but you can relate. You just don’t want to admit it because you think it’ll make you look weak.”
It will...“That’s not true.”
He doesn’t say anything. He just looks into my eyes, silently telling me that it’s okay to be honest with him.
“I’m still not going to share my past with them. I made it this far without doing it so...”
“So?”
“So, I have double AA meetings coming up all week and I probably can’t spend the night with you until next Sunday.”
“Emerald...”
“I have to be there at six in the morning every day. Can you believe that? That means I’ll only get five hours of sleep after work and I—”
“Emerald,” he whispers, “I’m not judging you.”
“Then why does it feel like you are?”
“It shouldn’t.” He grips me hard as a stronger wave pushes past us. “I want what’s best for you.”
“Does that mean I can spend the night with you next Sunday when I get off?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
He secures his arms around my back and carries me back to the shoreline. “Your friends are doing something special for you after you get off that day.”
“What? Please tell me you’re joking.” I’ve always hated surprises. “You have to tell me whatever it is. I’m not good when it comes to things like that.”
“You really want me to tell you?”
“Please.”
He sighs. “It’s just cupcakes and beer—well, root beer to start your rehab countdown. Twenty one days left.”
“Who planned that?”
“Sparkle and Robyn.”
“When did they tell you about it?”
“Earlier this week.” He sets me down on the sand. “Why are you looking so sad?”
“No reason. I just...” I feel my heart swelling and want to change the subject, but I don’t. “You have no idea how lonely my life was before this summer. I had two numbers in my phone—Virginia and Henry, and the only people I talked to were the fictional characters in my head. But now, people actually want to hang out with me—like, they invite themselves over and are fine just talking to me. I know this seems so simple but it’s really fucking overwhelming because I’ve never had it before.”
I sigh. “At the same time, I don’t know if I can hold onto it. I’m going to find a way to fuck everything up. I can feel it.”
“I won’t let you.” He grabs my hand and leads me down the shoreline again.
I force a smile because even though I’m on cloud nine right now, I know my fuck up is inevitable. Nothing good in my life ever lasts for long and since I haven’t failed at anything in a while, something is bound to give.
As we approach the pier, I bend down to pick up my shoes, but he grabs me by my waist and pushes me against a flickering lamppost.
“You hate fucking me?”
“What?”
“We have ‘very very bad sex’ with dry kisses?” He slips a hand underneath my dress. “Kisses that do nothing for you?”
“I never said that.”
“You did.” He unbuckles his jeans. “And it hurt my feelings.”
“Are you mocking me?”
“Of course not.” He pushes my panties to the side and wedges his knee between my legs—spreading my legs a little wider.
“Here? Now?” I whisper, looking around us—noticing how most of the beach’s visitors are long gone.
“Yes.” He slides into me and smirks. “And I’m not going to be gentle.”
Chapter 14
Carter forgot to mention the part about my “rehab countdown party” being held at the county fair. He actually forgot to tell me about a lot of things...
Before he picked me up tonight and drove me here—to Blythe’s number one summer attraction, he took me to a spa in the adjacent county for an hour long massage. For no reason at all.
He’s been doing a lot of things for no reason at all lately: Having signed copies of my favorite books shipped to my house, gifting me paintbrushes with “Try, try again” notes, and taking me out to dinner every chance he gets.
No longer does he take me to the diner if I’m hungry after work. He’ll bring me a snack to have while he drives me somewhere nice, and he always holds me by his side when we walk in, and he always pays.
I keep waiting for him to call and break things off, for him to say that what we have isn’t what he wants anymore, but the days continue to pass and his affection only seems to grow stronger and stronger.
