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“God, Emerald...”
I take him as deep as I can, using my other hand to massage his balls. I don’t stop when he asks me to. I continue sucking him gently, enjoying his reaction.
As I’m moving him out of my mouth—to put him back in again, he grabs me by my hair and looks into my eyes.
“Get on top of me.” He shifts his body on the seat and I straddle his lap, slowly sinking onto him.
There’s no talking between us, no moans or murmurs, just eye contact as I rock against him with my hands intertwined with his.
He presses his lips against mine, ready to make me weak with another kiss, but I don’t let him.
I can’t.
I don’t want to be tempted to stay, and his kisses are that powerful.
He doesn’t seem to notice my rejection, because he smiles and kisses my forehead instead, whispering, “I’ve missed you.”
I nod as he lets go of my hands and grips my hips. “I’m going to miss you too...”
“Going to?”
I don’t respond. I lower my head to his neck—biting him as familiar tremors start to build inside of me, as he tells me to “come back” so he can see my face as I cum.
I slowly move my head back, staring into his eyes as my orgasm takes over me—briefly shutting them.
Panting, I bury my head in his chest—listening to his frantic heartbeat as he tries to recover from his high.
“Emerald,” he whispers.
“Carter.”
“I need you to be serious.” He strokes my back. “What did you mean by saying you were going to miss me too? Was that a slip of the tongue? A mistake?”
I don’t answer.
My heart is fracturing inside my chest and I can feel tears welling in my eyes.
“Emerald?” He gently pulls my hair and tilts my chin up. “Why does it look like you’re about to cry?”
“I don’t cry.”
“I know.” He uses his thumb to wipe away a stray tear. “Tell me the truth. What’s wrong?”
“My mom wrote me a final letter—a letter before the selfish suicide one.” I sigh. “She was trying to tell me how not to end up like her, and I don’t want to end up like her. Ever. I want to do something that she was never able to do. Be independent.”
“That’s good. You should.”
“She always depended on other people for her happiness. That’s why she was never completely happy, you know? She was always looking for a quick route to it—drugs, alcohol, men...I didn’t see it before, but I understand it now.”
He nods, looking a bit confused.
“You were my source of happiness this summer. You and only you. And um...You really helped to make me a better person, but I need to work on myself.”
“Why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye?”
My heart drops and I realize I can’t hold this back any longer. “This is goodbye.”
“What?”
“I barely know you, Carter...” I swallow and let a tear fall. “This is hard enough, but I’m sure you can understand why I’m telling you all of this.”
“No, I can’t.”
“I don’t want to have to rely on you for my happiness. I need to be able to attain it on my own.”
“Emerald, listen to yourself...”
“I’m more than listening,” I say. “My grandparents offered to pay for me to finish college and I’m going to go. I’m going to finish.”
“You going to college doesn’t mean we have to break up.”
“It doesn’t, but you did once say that you wanted what was best for me.”
“This isn’t what’s best for you, Emerald. This isn’t how you break up with someone either.”
“Should I have done it over the phone?”
“Do you want me to take you out to dinner tonight and rehash my life for you? Is that what I need to do to keep you? I don’t have any deep, dark secrets I’m hiding from you if that’s what you’re worried about. You know me better than anyone.”
“That’s really not saying much.” I refuse to show any more emotion right now. I tell him that I really enjoyed the time we spent together this summer.
“That’s all you have to say for what we have?” He looks hurt.
“Had,” I correct him. “There’s more to us and you know that, but please don’t try to make me stay, Carter. Please.” I know that one kiss and the right words from him will be enough to make me reconsider this, but I don’t want it.
“Long distance won’t be an issue.” He buckles his pants. “I can come see you on the weekends.”
I shake my head, avoiding his eyes. “I’d be tempted to ask you to stay for longer. I don’t want that.”
