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I was back to staring at the road, but I let out a loud huff. “I know you aren’t responsible for Morio’s injuries.”
“Thank you. But wil Camil e? She already . . .” He fel silent and stared through the window.
“Already what? What the fuck went on down there while Chase and I were trying to save Morio’s life? Why weren’t you guys climbing out of the tunnel right after Chase? What did you do down there? ”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him cringe.
“You’d better tel me. Camil e’s in no shape to, and somehow, as much as I dread hearing whatever it is you have to say, I’m getting the feeling that I’d better know about it.”
Vanzir stared at his hands. “I was feeding on whatever that ghost was . . . you remember that?”
I nodded. “Yeah, so what?”
“Do you remember earlier, when I warned her to get out of the way? Her life force is so bril iant when she’s running her magic that it’s like . . . to be honest, it’s like a hard-core turn-on. Why do you think I avoid her more than I do you or Delilah? She runs energy and I’m . . . addicted to feeding on energy.”
“Holy crap. You fed on her?” I swerved, barely missing a parked BMW.
“No. Not much.” His voice lowered. “Oh, this is al wrong. Why can’t I just not give a fuck like the rest of my kind?”
“Because you’re not like the rest of them. Just tel me what happened. I’l take responsibility if she finds out. I order you to tel me. You can’t refuse a direct order.” I wanted everything out in the open. Now.
He shuddered. “Crap. You fucking bitch. You would, wouldn’t you?” But his voice held no animosity, only resignation. “Fine. There are two ways my addiction comes out. One is to feed, but when I can’t feed, and the impetus is stil there, then I . . .”
As he paused, I had a flash of memory: what he’d said to her just shortly before that. If I didn’t snag you in with my feeders, I’d end up tearing your clothes off and fucking you raw.
Oh crap. Was I going to have to kil him myself? “You didn’t!”
Head in his hands, he shook it violently. “I didn’t mean to. She gave off one last blast at the ghost and I . . . I was so wired and so poised to feed. I broke.”
“Oh for the love of . . .” I swerved over to park against the curb and, hands on the wheel, forced myself to stare at the maple tree in the nearest yard. “Go on.”
“I started to feed on her and she screamed for me to get the hel out of her head. I was trying to pul back the entire time, trying to stop myself but I couldn’t—it was like a feeding frenzy. I think she knew because she grabbed my hands and put them on her waist, then pul ed up her skirts.”
I didn’t want to hear. Didn’t want to imagine my sister, desperate to stop the assault on her mind, offering herself up to put an end to it.
Vanzir continued, relentless, his voice cracking. “She was screaming for me to stop feeding on her. I tried to disengage, but the only way I could stop was to . . . was to fuck her. I slammed her up against the wal and . . . she didn’t fight. She let me. She was crying and saying that she knew that I couldn’t control it. I’d fed too deep on the ghost and was out of control. I know it’s no excuse, but I was so caught up in the frenzy that . . .”
Holy Mother Hel. I counted to ten, then twenty, then thirty before speaking. “Camil e gave herself to you in order to stop you from feeding on her life force?”
He nodded, tears streaking down his cheeks. “I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to feed on her, but with al the energy flying through the air, with al the fighting, I was so hyped up that . . .”
“That your nature took over, even though you knew she could kil you for it. But she didn’t kil you, did she?” As much as I wanted to strike him down right there, I forced myself back from the edge.
If Camil e hadn’t destroyed Vanzir for his actions, then was it my place to finish the job she’d chosen to leave undone?
“There’s more.” He was whispering now, staring at the floor.
“Oh Great Mother, no. What else?” I didn’t know how much more I could take.
“While I was . . . while we were . . . while I was fucking her, her eyes turned color—they flashed from violet to silver. And she said something. I’m not even sure she knows that she did. She said,
‘If you don’t like your nature, demon, then forsake it.’ And that’s when it happened.”
“What happened?” I was almost scared to hear.
“My feelers, my ability to feed on life force. I think it’s gone. When she said that, part of me was stripped away. It was horrible, someone inside me, tearing at me, rooting out an essential part of myself. And now, I can’t feed. I can’t even figure out how I used to. It’s like part of me is dead.” He stared at me, a bitter look in his eye. “Your sister did better than kil me. She destroyed what I am.
Now I real y am just a slave. A strong one, but . . . just a slave.”
