Page 137 of Tell Me Something

I worked to stifle my temper. I well remembered him telling me he didn’t want children. “Yes, I am, and if you intend on trying to convince me otherwise, you might as well leave.”

“No, I just wondered with law school—” He took a deep breath. “I just needed to know. I don’t get a lot of rights here, and all of the decisions are yours.”

“So you would want this baby?” I whispered.

“Yes. I mean, if I get a vote, then, yes, I’d want you to keep it.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d barely had a chance to come to the realization that I was having a baby, and yet I was already fiercely protective. At the same time, the way he’d phrased things about getting a vote and not having a lot of rights made me think there was something he wasn’t telling me. “Your words make it sound like you have been through this kind of discussion before.”

He sighed heavily. “My ex got pregnant in the third year of our marriage. She didn’t tell me. I thought she’d gone away with her sister for a spa weekend but found the discharge instructions from the abortion a month later. I had the vasectomy shortly afterward and never told her.”

So this was the betrayal he’d spoken of. “How did she not notice the side effects?”

“Our sex life was basically nonexistent after I found out what she’d done. The handful of times we did, I just took the pill. She never noticed that I didn’t finish. Then a month after I filed for divorce, she came to me and told me she was pregnant.”

“And you told her about the vasectomy, I take it.”

“Yeah, I threw it in her face along with the reason why. She admitted to cheating and told me that it was my fault for pushing her to do so since I’d emotionally cut her off. She was crying and went down the stairs. The rest you know.”

“Do you believe she was pregnant?”

“I didn’t at first, but the medical records became part of the divorce proceedings. She miscarried and blamed me. Anyhow, I don’t want to talk about that anymore. What happened is old news, like you said, and now you know all of it.”

“I imagine it wasn’t easy to tell me that, but it helps me understand your reaction a little bit better.”

“It doesn’t excuse it, though. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry for not reaching out sooner.”

“I’d like to set up an OB appointment for you Monday after class if you’d let me. I’m worried about you and the baby.”

Yeah, I was too. “Okay. I have an appointment with Dr. Mac at two o’clock, but it should be done by three so we can make it for after.”

“Dr. Mac, as in Mark’s doctor?”

“Mark called him, and we spoke yesterday. Turns out you can’t just flip a switch on depression.” I smiled, recalling Josh’s exact words last year in San Francisco when I’d first told him about my plan for dealing with it. “I’m working on my fears when it comes to long-term relationships. And I need to ensure I’m doing things the way I want to, instead of what I perceive my parents would have wanted. I need to get my shit straight before I have someone else relying on me.”

“It takes a lot of strength to talk to someone.”

“There’s nothing strong about me, but I’ll get there eventually.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. It takes more courage to ask for help than to pretend like you don’t need it. Trust me, I know.” He stroked my face and took a shaky breath. “What do you think about me going with you for counseling? I mean, not tomorrow, but eventually. Work on things together.”

I was stunned. “You’d agree to do couples counseling?”

“You’re not the only one this baby will be relying on. It’s time I get my shit together, too.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

We took the train Wednesday afternoon back into New York City to get the test done. Even though I was confident about the result, I was still anxious to get this over with.

During the last few days, I’d had three more sessions with Dr. Mac and also my OB appointment. The tests revealed that I was about six weeks along. We left with a sonogram picture and a pregnancy book. Josh had stayed the entire time and had become quite the food police, ensuring I was constantly eating or drinking something.

“How long do you think before we get the results of your test?” I whispered. We held hands and were just about to arrive at the station.

“I’m not sure. Today is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving weekend, so it may not be until Monday that we’d get the result, but I’ll ask them to expedite it.” Josh lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it.

“The sooner the better.”