Page 49 of When It’s All Said And Done

Not a day ever went by that I didn’t think of Nessa. I could be eating the slop they called food and I’d wonder what she had to eat today. I’d lay in that piece of shit they called bed and wonder if she was sleeping comfortably tonight. And every time I handled business for the cartel I’d hope that my money helped ease the frustrations of everything she could be dealing with.The rabbit hole back into the past kept me until the sun rose, and when a knock at the door interrupted my peace, I jumped up.

There stood Juan and a few of his flunkies. Chance stood behind me unannounced until I allowed Juan and his men access to our hotel. Once inside Juan explained how he needed to speak with me, and Chance would go to the dock and make sure that our reup was all accounted for before it was loaded on the container ship. I didn’t want us to split up but it made sense because I needed someone I trusted to account for all the bricks I’d paid for. After explaining that to Chance we split up for the day after we left the hotel.

“You were talkin’ ‘bout extremes that were needed to get to where you are,” I began as we drove the streets of Puerto Rico. “What exact extremes did you have to go through?”

“Oh, you were actually listenin’ to me that time?” He scoffed as he continued to look out the windows. “And honestly my extremes were unthinkable when said aloud.”

“Extremes are meant to be just that extreme. So, I’m curious to know what you did in order to secure yo’ position. Not sayin’ that I want yo’ position but just tryna see why you wouldn’t think I’d be willin’ to cross the unthinkable line.”

“Well, that’s simple. Answer this if I’d asked you to kill yo’ right hand man would you do it to get to the level that I’m on?”

“What would be the reason for me to kill him?”

“I just said it: to get to the level that I’m on. So, would you do it?”

“Nawl we’d come up together.”

“Exactly. And that’s what separates you from me.”

“Wait, you had to do that?”

“You used the right word: had. I never wanted to cross the one person who’d not only showed me the ropes but protected me too.”

“Wait if they did all that why the fuck would you kill them?”

“Power duh. I wasn’t meant to take orders all my life and once I realized how I could change that I did what was needed to do just that.”

“So, who’d you cross? Yo’ own cousin?”

“Nope, my brother,” he nonchalantly shrugged.

“Welp, that muthafucka had to go,” I played into his confessional, happy that I’d recorded the whole conversation on my phone. “It takes some true balls to do the shit you did.”

“Yep, and I’d do it again if I ever had to. Nobody will ever get in the way of the empire I’d clawed my way to the top of.”

Chapter 17

Nessa

I held on to the toilet for dear life as I threw up everything I’d eaten that day. This has become normal for me the past two months. After I’d peed on thirty-five pregnancy tests and every single one of them was positive it was no denying that there was a baby inside of me. That explained why I’d gotten so queasy after my shot in Atlanta, and from there on out I didn’t drink anymore. When Nina informed me that she’d been dreaming of fishes it further confirmed my suspicions.

“You really gonna hide this pregnancy from Nas again?” Yas questioned as I exited my adjourning bathroom.

“I’m not hidin’ it,” I halfway lied.

“But Nas still doesn’t know you’re pregnant and you’re almost fifteen weeks pregnant.”

“I’m just processin’ everythin’.”

“Nessa, you know I’ma keep it real with you and it’s givin’ you’re hidin’ this baby too. The only difference is that Nas is out and I’m sure he would want to be a part of it.”

“Yas, I’m not tryin’ to hide it honest. I’m processin’ it because how the fuck did this happen? Then I gotta figure out who the fuck the father is. This shit is too fuckin’ much man.”

“Vanessa Aaliyah Evans don’t piss me the fuck off! You know Nas is the fuckin’ dad because we both know he was the only person you were fuckin’ on.”

“I did have a nigga.”

“A nigga you were one foot in and one foot out with, so be so fuckin’ forreal.”