Page 109 of Theta

My eyes burn, but I don't dare let go yet. "Mom."

"I know, my love. I know. But you will be okay."

"It was awful."

"You want to tell me about it?"

"N-no. Not…not yet. Not like this—not over the phone." I let out a shuddery sigh. "How do you cope?"

"With what in particular?"

"Knowing you've killed someone."

"Oh. Um…that…it takes time. Therapy. Self-forgiveness. Even if you had to do it, it leaves a mark. You won't soon forget, Story. I can't and won't lie to you about this." Even all these years later, after decades of life in the States, she still has a faint Hebrew accent. "But you will be okay. You just have to give yourself permission to not be okay for a time."

"Well, I'm not. I'm trying to be brave. To be strong."

"I am packing as we speak, motek.” Here, she uses a Hebrew term of endearment that means, roughly, sweetie. “Dad has a helicopter and pilot on standby to take us to the compound, and we will ride the very fast jet to you. I will be there in a few hours, my girl."

"Um. Just…prepare yourself, okay? I'm…um. It's not great, Mom."

"But you are okay?"

"I will be."

"You aren't lying?"

"No. Promise. Apparently it was touch and go for a bit, though."

"Story!"

"Don't yell at me. I was kidnapped by an international ring of sex-slavers and chased all over this stupid island by professional killers. I didn't run away to Cancun for spring break."

A sigh. "I know. I know. I'm sorry. I've just been so worried."

"I've never been so scared in my life."

A long pause. "How is Killian?"

I hear the curiosity she's too respectful and circumspect to ask directly. "Just say what you want to say, Mom."

"That is what I want to say. How is Killian?"

"Infected. He refused to let the doctor here treat him until he knew I was going to be okay. But he'll be okay, she says."

"Men are so stupid, sometimes."

"Tell me about it."

"Fine," she huffs. "I'll ask. You and Killian…"

I smile at the ceiling. "It turns out we've been in love with each other since we were both kids; we just both hid it from each other a little too well."

"Wait. You mean to tell me that boy never realized you have been hopelessly in love with him most of your life? You were not exactly subtle about it, motek.”

"It was that obvious?" I ask, not realizing she knew.

"I am your mother."