Page 40 of Theta

"Can I tell you a secret?" I mutter.

She nuzzles my jaw, nips my earlobe. "Anything."

"It's kind of embarrassing, and I'd only ever tell you."

"Is it a sexy secret?" she whispers, pulling back to look at me with humor and desire and affection and curiosity—an intoxicating admixture of emotions to have leveled at me.

"Something like that." I close my eyes and caress the drum-taut curves of her ass, wishing yet again that we were alone so I could have her nakedness all to myself.

“Tell me, Killy."

"Please don't make fun of me."

"I would never."

"Telling you this is fucking scary as hell."

"Jesus, Killy. What?"

"When I was thirteen, you were eighteen."

"That's how a five-year age gap works, yes."

"You hadn't come down the summer before."

"I spent that summer with Mom and Dad in Israel, visiting the town where Mom grew up."

"I know." I swallow hard. "You came down and I hadn't seen you more than a year. I already had a crush on you, but I'd hit puberty and my hormones were on fucking afterburner. It was like looking at the world through new eyes—suddenly, girls were everywhere, and I was fucking…god, so completely unable to stop myself from staring at every girl I saw at the beach."

She cackles softly. "Oh god, I remember. You were so wide-eyed that summer. It was adorable."

"What I'm gonna tell you may not be so adorable." I laugh again. “So then you showed up. That first night, we just had dinner at Val and Key's. The next day you wanted to hit the beach bright and early. I'm almost always the first up of the four of us, so I was surprised when you were down at the water before me." I close my eyes, and I can see her like it was yesterday. "You were wearing a pink, green, and white floral bikini. The bottoms left most of your ass bare, and the sides were cut high, riding above your hips, so the front piece was this long triangle. And the top. Dear Jesus. Your boobs were all but spilling out over top and out the sides."

She blushes. “I was feeling myself that summer."

“You had every right to feel yourself. You were the most intoxicating sight I'd ever laid eyes on. I stopped at the top of the hill and just stared at you, literally open-mouthed and all but fucking drooling for almost five minutes before I managed to make myself go down and talk to you. I was so fucking nervous, Story."

"Nervous? To talk to me?"

"Yes! I told you, I already had a crush on you by then, but up to that point it was…I dunno how to put it. Emotional? A crush based on wanting to talk to you, hang out with you. Be around you. That summer was the first time I saw you as a girl—a woman. When the crush became physical."

"What's the big admission, Killy? I'm on tenterhooks, here." She shoves her hands up under my shirt again, and then somehow it’s gone, and she's scouring my chest and stomach and shoulders, cupping the small of my back.

"Don't rush the story, Story." I slip my hands up out of her scrub bottoms and up under her shirt, mirroring her exploration of my back. "That day at the beach with you was the first time I knew what real sexual desire was. I could not stop staring at you. Every time you were turned away from me, my eyes were glued to your ass."

"Trust me, I was aware."

"You were?"

She laughs. "Of course! You were respectful about it, though, so I pretended not to notice. You weren't creepy or weird about it. Just obvious."

"So here's the admission. I couldn't fall asleep that night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you. That fucking bikini. Your ass swaying every step you took. Those big fucking tits of yours bouncing around as we played frisbee." I close my eyes, rest my forehead on hers, summon the courage to put it all out there. "I was hard as a rock. It hurt. It wouldn't go away. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I kept…shit. I kept having this fantasy of you and me alone on the beach under the stars, and you'd reach back and untie the bikini top and wiggle out of the bottoms in this whole slinky, sensual movement. I'd never seen a totally naked woman at that point, so all I had was imagination, but that's all I needed. I fought it so fucking hard, but I…I couldn't help myself."

I feel her start to follow the plot. "Oh. Killy, you mean…” she snickers, splutters, and then dissolves into laughter. "Are you saying…?"

"You said you wouldn't laugh."

"I said I wouldn't make fun of you, and I'm not." The laughter fades and she cups my jaw in both hands. "I swear to you on the twenty years I've known you, I'm not teasing or making fun or laughing at you."