Page 65 of Just for the Season

‘I love you,’ she says. ‘I’m just going to say it once but that woman does not deserve you. You’re an amazing person and she’s awful.’

‘We love you too.’ Simon joins the hug, and Marcus stands up and nods.

‘We’re here to talk or drink or listen to music or watch TV or go and finish decorating the church hall tonight rather than tomorrow morning so you can have a lie-in, or anything you like,’ Ellie says.

‘Or Scrabble,’ Marcus adds. ‘Or a film with post-apocalyptic sex.’

‘Thank you,’ I sniff. ‘You’re all amazing.’ I turn to Marcus. ‘Are Ruby and Sam at a sleepover?’

‘Jack’s gone over to keep an eye on them,’ Ellie says. ‘Marcus and I were both at Miranda’s earlier when your message came in and I decided we should wait here to try to cheer you up. We can leave but I don’t think we should. Stuff like this has happened so many times. You shouldn’t be sad for even a minute.’

‘We can leave if you like,’ Marcus says. ‘Or I can.’

‘No,’ I say, a little too loudly. ‘Scrabble it is.’

‘I was hoping for the post-apocalyptic sex whatever the fuck that is,’ says Simon.

We play an incredibly sweary, ranty, rude Scrabble, accompanied by wine, and I actually have fun.

‘No,’ says Simon very strictly when Ellie stands up to open a third bottle of wine. ‘No more alcohol. We all want to enjoy the party tomorrow, and we should not be hungover. Half a bottle each is more than enough. We now need to drink a lot of water.’

‘I’m going to say something at this point,’ says Ellie. ‘We will all have more fun without your mum. She’s very high-maintenance.’

I nod. ‘Yeah.’ Sad but true.

‘Let’s tell Gran she’s ill,’ Ellie continues.

‘Yeah,’ I say again.

And then we carry on with the rest of our game, accompanied by water, and it is fun. And then Marcus goes home, and Simon to his flat, before Ellie comes upstairs with me to sleep in my spare room. She admires the cushions I bought for my mother, and we leave our bedroom doors open so that we can carry on talking, so in the end it feels like a very nice sleepover, and I do know that I would infinitely rather share my flat with Ellie than Mum.

* * *

We wake up quite late on Saturday morning – thankfully hangover-free due to Simon’s foresight with the no more wine and lots of water – and both leap out of bed fast, in a big panic about party preps.

Ellie goes home to shower, having agreed with me that we’ll meet in the church hall as soon as possible. (After a successful first shift in the café last Saturday afternoon, Ruby is working in the café all day today with Simon to allow me to continue sorting the party.)

We’re so busy finishing the preparations that, happily, I really don’t have time to think about Mum at all.

We’re no longer doing fireworks (health and safety plus we weren’t sure what the weather would be like) but we have a huge amount of Halloween and Bonfire Night decorations in the hall. If anyone thought of something, we sourced it (except for an actual real human skeleton, which was Simon’s idea; we got a fake one instead from a shop in Chartfield). Gran ummed and ahhed over dress code – she was going to go for Halloween/fireworks fancy dress but then decided that she wanted to go full glamour and she wanted to see her granddaughters dressed the same way. So that’s the dress code: glamour.

Gran’s wearing a floor-length black velvet dress with pearls and long white gloves.

Ellie’s wearing a gold, flapper-style dress.

Jack’s in a tux.

And I’m wearing a floor-length red satin dress, very fitted through the body, with a fuller skirt. I love my dress and always feel good when I wear it. I do not love the fact that it’s crossed my mind more than once that I’m looking forward to Marcus seeing me in it and to seeing him in a suit.

I don’t want to be thinking things like that about him. He’s given no indication whatsoever that he wants to take anything between us to another level, and I don’t think I want him to. It hurts so much to be rejected, as I’ve been reminded recently by my mum. Marcus is the kindest, nicest, funniest, most attractive man I’ve ever met – very different from all my exes – and I just can’t bear to be rejected by someone I like as much as I like him. And it might well happen if we got together. There must be a reason that other people walk away from me. Maybe I’m just not lovable enough. So I am not going to think about him in any way other than as a friend. I will enjoy his company, I will allow myself to appreciate him the way you would appreciate any gorgeous sight, but I will not be thinking about actual attraction. I will be immune to it.

* * *

The man himself turns up early afternoon, having just dropped Sam at a twelfth birthday party (also Halloween-themed, unsurprisingly) and asks if we’d like any help.

‘Yes,’ says Ellie immediately, looking up from where she’s expertly carving pumpkins. ‘We need someone tall to get up that stepladder in the corner and pin up those banners. I was about to call Jack to see if he was back from his rugby match.’

I have to say that climbing a ladder suits Marcus. As in, it really does show his gorgeously muscled thighs and backside to advantage. And the great thing is, I have a fully legitimate reason for watching (ogling) him, because he needs someone to stand below and tell him exactly where to hang the banners.