Page 23 of A Lady of Conscience

“I’ve said nothing of hearts.”

“No,” his father acknowledged. “You haven’t.”

James was silent. He wouldn’t be sorry he’d approached his proposal to Miss Heywood logically, even if it had resulted in a refusal. He’d seen first-hand where unbridled passion got one. Every member of his family had lost their head at one time or another, going back generations. It was the very reason the Beresfords were in this predicament.

“Perhaps if you had,” his father went on, “Miss Heywood might have⁠—”

“There is nothing I could have said that would have persuaded her to accept me,” James informed him. “That’s the end of it.”

“If you say it is, then it must be so.” The earl smiled again as he turned to leave. “A pity. Particularly considering how assiduously you courted the girl.”

The barb hit home.

This time James couldn’t disguise the scowl that sank his brows.

He hadn’t courted Hannah Heywood, it was true. He’d admired her yes, and he’d spent the past several months privately grappling with his attraction to her, but he’d made no outward show of it. Aside from a few dances, and the conversation they’d shared that night in the Beasley Park stables, there had been no intimacies between them. No sweet words. No lingering touches. No indication at all that he viewed her as anything more than a future relation by marriage.

When James had finally come to a decision in his own mind, he’d arrogantly assumed that would be enough. That Hannah would welcome his proposal. Instead, she’d had no warning of his intentions. His offer of marriage had taken her completely off her guard.

If he had it to do over again⁠—

But he didn’t.

Polite as it was, her refusal had been absolute. All that was left was for James to put this debacle behind him.

His feelings for her would surely fade with time. He would come to be grateful that he had escaped his brief moment of madness unscathed. Until then, there was only one thing to be done.

He would return to London.

Chapter Seven

Hannah learned that James had departed Bath quite by chance. It was Kate who revealed it. She was leaving Bath herself the following day, along with her parents, and had invited Hannah for an early morning gallop to say goodbye.

Riding in Bath wasn’t the same as riding at home in the country. The cobblestone streets weren’t well suited to horses. Most houses didn’t even have an attached stable. The Heywoods’ had been obliged to stable their own horses at an inn nearby. One of the grooms had brought Hannah’s dappled gray mare, Jubilee, to her that morning, saddled and ready. Kate’s groom had done the same, delivering her bay gelding, Ember, for her use.

The two young ladies had ridden out toward Lansdown where they’d enjoyed a gallop over the hills. The sun was shining and the sky was clear. It did much to boost Hannah’s flagging spirits.

It had been several days since James’s proposal and she was still not quite herself. Try as she might, she hadn’t been able to get his face out of her head. That look he’d had when she’d refused him. The way he’d flinched.

Hannah didn’t regret rejecting his proposal, but she deeply regretted that she had caused him pain. It wasn’t in her nature to hurt someone. Indeed, she hadn’t imagined that James could be hurt. The realization that she had been the one to do it—that she’d had that power over him—had rattled her to her core.

She’d taken little enjoyment in her season in the days since. Not the dance at the Assembly Rooms, nor the dinner party she’d been invited to. She hadn’t even been able to focus on writing her cat article for the Animal Advocate.

She was in perpetual dread of crossing paths with James again. And not because she was afraid of his reaction, but because she was worried about her own. Given what had happened between them, how on earth would she manage to look him in the eye?

Kate brought her gelding to a standstill at the top of the rise. She lifted her head to the sky, inhaling a deep breath of fresh air. “I shall miss this,” she said.

“I shall miss you,” Hannah replied, bringing Jubilee to a halt beside her. The gray mare tossed her head, objecting to the restraint. She far preferred galloping to standing still. “I wish you could stay longer.”

“So do I,” Kate said. “Alas, Bath will soon be sorely lacking in Beresfords. Ivo is to be the last of us, and he only for another few days. He’s accompanying Meg and her father back to Letchford Hall on Saturday.”

Hannah gave her an enquiring look. She wouldn’t allow herself to ask about James outright. She had no wish to betray a particular interest in him. As far as she knew, Kate wasn’t aware of her older brother’s proposal. No one was, except for Hannah’s mother and father.

But all of Bath had seen him waltz with Hannah and sup with her at the ball. All were surely wondering if there was anything more to his behavior than mere civility to a young lady soon to be connected to him by marriage.

“James has already gone,” Kate said in answer to Hannah’s unspoken question. “He left the day after the Carletons’ ball. Gone back to London, apparently. The insufferable fellow. I’d begun to think he might have a reason to stay, but…” Her brow creased. “As all my brothers do, he takes pleasure in thwarting me.”

Hannah turned Jubilee in a circle to calm the mare’s restlessness.