Page 126 of Kylie

Reaching for his hand, I twined our fingers and cuddled it to my chest, sinking into the warmth of his body. I put my leg over Gage’s, urging him closer, wanting to be cocooned between them. It was the only way I was going to get through this in one piece.

For the next hour, I shared with them every detail I could remember since the day I woke up in the hospital, blindfolded and chained. I told them how I was drugged for a while, then nursed back to health, only to be moved to the shit hole and chained to the floor. I shared with them my thoughts as I’d drifted in a fugue state, starved and cooking in that hot room.

Neither of them interrupted me to ask questions. And I didn’t stop even when I felt Travis’s tears and Gage’s silent sobs. I would’ve preferred they did not know what happened or how I’d talked to my imaginary versions of them. But they had asked and it felt good to get it off my chest. It wasn’t that I’d kept it to myself because I didn’t want to talk about it. I hadn’t shared it with them because I didn’t want them to feel my pain. And they would. Our connection, while not quite as strong as before, was still there. Deep down, I prayed we would get it back in full force, but sometimes I wasn’t sure that was possible.

But this was the next step for me. For us. For our future.

I was moving forward, not back.

And I was not going to let my past define me anymore.

For the first time in one year, nine months, and twenty-two days, I decided that was going to be true.

I was home.

And it wasn’t that I’d been there for forty-three days.

I was simply home.

That was what mattered.

I had my family, my husbands, my children. I had my life. I wasn’t a prisoner anymore. I wasn’t restrained. And by God, I was not going to keep acting like I was.

It was time I stopped counting days.

It was time for me to define my future, not calculate my past.

Time to live the way I wanted, to take back what had been stolen from me.

Snuggling against them, I squeezed Travis’s hand, then released it so I could touch Gage. “I’m okay.”

I could tell they didn’t quite believe me. But that was all right because I had time to prove to them, to myself.

“I promise, I’m okay,” I whispered as I settled against them, my heart beating a normal rhythm for the first time since I opened my eyes. “And I’m ready to move forward. Together. Like we used to be.”

I could feel their surprise, but no one moved. Not me. Not them.

Despite that, I suddenly felt closer to them. The way it used to be.

The way it was meant to be.

Chapter Forty-Nine

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Kylie

My ferocious leap into putting the past behind me wasn’t all that ferocious. Nor was it really a leap. It was more like a turtle race. And I was the smaller, slower turtle. A slow turtle who spent the majority of its time finding places to fit in and discussing what it all meant with the doctor.

But the good news was that I didn’t wake up each morning noting how many days had passed since … Look there. I caught myself. No more counting for me.

Nope. I was attempting to live in the moment. To move forward. To write my future chapters.

After every session with Dr. Briggs, I had started focusing on a few small things each time, adding to my list. Baby steps, she called it, and looking back on it, I realized it was working.

I had started by rephrasing my comments to Travis and Gage. Rather than ask permission to help with something, I informed them I would like to and waited to see if they would object. So far, the only objection I’d received was when I said I would like to take out the trash. Travis had looked at me, cocked one eyebrow, smirked, and disappeared outside with the garbage bag before I could.

And no, taking the trash out wasn’t one of the things I’d done before, so I could understand why he didn’t intend to let me do it now.