Page 71 of Loving a Warrior

“They’re SEALs.”

“Almost.” Matt smiled. “But yeah, we’re all Type A, overachievers, aggressive. We don’t sit around and talk about our feelings much, so alcohol, it kind of—I don’t know—helps break down those alpha male barriers a little.” He thought about that night with Salazar, and some of the things he’d shared with the class, including his failure at screening for DEVGRU.

“And when you don’t drink with them, you feel like you’re missing out on a chance to bond.”

“I do,” Matt admitted. “I really do.” He set his lips. “But not enough to make me take a drink. It just hit me that it’ll probably, you know, make for some lonely nights ahead.”

Derek’s green eyes held a reassuring empathy. “So you called me because you knew I’d understand.”

“Yeah.” Relieved he didn’t have to explain it further, Matt leaned back in his chair. “I knew you would.”

“How do you deal with it, when you want to drink?” Derek looked at him, earnestness on his thin face. “I really wanna know.”

Matt shrugged. “Mostly I just work out. Exhaust myself lifting weights or run till I’m on the verge of collapse. It’s great because now SEAL training does all that for me and more.”

They chuckled together.

“Maybe I should try that. Not SEAL training,” Derek clarified with a snort, “but working out. Got any tips?” He sounded like he was half-joking, but Matt felt a sudden jolt of excitement.

“Dude, if there’s one thing I know, it’s how to work out. C’mon.” He stood up and threw his coffee cup away, waiting while Derek did the same.

Matt drove them back to Derek’s house. “Go change into workout clothes and grab a bottle of water.” Derek hurried off while Matt looked up some twenty-four-hour gyms on his phone, smiling in satisfaction at finding one nearby.

The place was nearly deserted when they walked in, and after securing a couple of guest passes, Matt walked Derek through a simple weightlifting routine, finishing it up with some light cardio. At the end of it, Derek was flushed and dripping sweat, but he looked pleased with himself.

“That felt really good, Matt.”

“When you start to see results, it feels even better,” Matt assured him. “Whenever I wanted to drink, I’d head to the gym.” He paused. “It’s not a magic pill, but maybe if you add it to whatever else you’re doing in your recovery…”

“I’ll come back and join tomorrow. Thanks, man.” Derek gave him a shy smile. “I know you’re insanely busy, but can I consider you a part of my support system? Like if I have questions about training—”

“Absolutely.” Matt reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “I’m here for you, bud. And that clown Shane will come around eventually.”

“He and Lex haven’t had an easy time of it. I get it.” Derek hesitated, then asked, “Are you and Shane dating?”

The question was so unexpected that Matt choked on the sip of water he’d just taken. “What?”

“Lex thinks you are. She’s all for it, don’t worry,” Derek said hastily as Matt sputtered in shock. “She said there was a light in Shane’s eyes that she hasn’t seen since—” He broke off with a grimace as Matt continued to gape at him. “Dammit, I’m sorry. My brain-to-mouth filter is pretty fucked up these days.”

He started to get up from the bench they were sitting on, and Matt blinked, reaching out to grab his arm. “No, wait. It’s just—” He blew out a breath. “Makes me wonder if we’re being that fucking obvious.”

“Lex knows her brother,” Derek said quietly. “She brought it up to me, actually. I hadn’t noticed anything.”

Matt scrubbed his hand over the lower part of his face. Since his reaction had just let the cat firmly out of the bag, what was the harm in confiding in Derek? For some reason he trusted the guy, and maybe their fledgling support system could work both ways.

“We’re not dating, no,” he said at last. “We’re…something, but what that something is, I have no fucking clue. And whatever it is has an expiration date anyway, you know?”

“Why?”

“Because—” Matt pinched the bridge of his nose, hard. “Because it has to.”

“Again, why? There aren’t any married guys in the teams? Or ones with significant others?”

“Of course there are,” Matt said impatiently. “It’s just, I think he and I ultimately want different things here, okay? Sometimes it seems like—” He broke off. “This is too important to me, Derek, and I’ve worked way too hard to get here, to end up being torn in two different directions.”

“Okay. I’m really sorry to pry, Matt. Feel free to punch me in the mouth.”

Matt nudged his shoulder with his. “Nah, man, it’s cool. Really. Thanks for listening.” He stood to throw his empty bottle away, and they ambled toward Matt’s truck.