Page 96 of Loving a Warrior

Shane huffed a strangled-sounding laugh at that, so Matt slid his arm all the way around him and put his head down on his shoulder, just holding him.

“He used to kiss me sometimes, you know,” Shane whispered, “when he was drunk. If he was between girlfriends, or lonely, or sad, he’d come to me for—”

Shane tensed, and Matt rubbed his thumb over his upper arm, anger at Jon’s selfishness clogging his throat. “You don’t have to say it, babe. I can guess.”

“He’d tell me he loved me, that he needed me. Then he’d meet some girl and off he’d go, until the next time.” Shane sucked in a ragged breath. “We were home on summer break after our sophomore year of college when Alexis walked in, eighteen and gorgeous, no longer that chubby brace-face who used to follow us around, annoying us. Jon took one look and—”

Matt kissed his shoulder, just listening, his gut telling him that Shane had never talked about this before, with anyone.

“I think he wanted to love her, Matt. She’s smart, kind, beautiful, and he’d known her for half his life. He tried, he really did…for a while.” His voice hardened. “Eventually, after we were back at school, he’d bring girls to our apartment again, not even trying to hide it. I’d hear them fucking in his room.”

Fury surged through Matt and he struggled to keep his tone even. “You didn’t want to tell Lex?”

“How could I?” Shane burst out, anguished. “When she was so young, so innocent, so in love? And when he—”

“When he still crawled into your bed,” Matt said gently, his heart aching for them both.

Shane shook his head emphatically. “No. I put a stop to the sex the minute he got involved with my sister. But he still tried.” He swallowed hard. “He’d come home drunk, push me up against the wall, kiss me. Beg me.”

“Putting all the responsibility on you to stop it.”

“Yeah.” Shane closed his eyes. “But sometimes I’d let him, just a little bit, because I wanted—I wanted…” He trailed off before his voice strengthened. “Then one night he told me he’d had to break it off with Lex because he knew he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. That he wanted to go into the SEALs with no ties, except for me, of course. Since we were joining together.”

Matt could see where this was going, and he fought not to tense. He rubbed Shane’s arm, letting him get it all out.

“He cried about breaking her heart, so I tried to comfort him. We ended up having sex and I held him all night long.”

Of course you did. My sweet, compassionate baby.

“What a manipulative son of a bitch he was. He used you, and then the very next night announced his engagement and the fact he’d joined without you, right?”

“Yeah.” Shane stared out over the ocean. “He knew that’d be the end of our friendship but he didn’t really care. He was going into a new life with the SEALs. I doubt he ever intended to marry Alexis, either, but he liked the idea of having someone waiting for him.”

And he didn’t want his guilty little secret enlisting with him. Jon, if you weren’t already dead, I’d fucking kill you myself.

“No, he never cared,” Matt said softly. “But he knew you did, so he took advantage of that for his own pleasure and ego boost. Those type of people are toxic, and it’s not your fault, Shane.”

“I remember one time lying there watching him sleep, and thinking, ‘How did I manage to catch this bolt of lightning?’ That’s what he was, streaking into my life with a lot of flash and bang. I was so goddamn infatuated, so fucking stupid. I let him use me, knowing that’s all he was doing. I let him use my sister, because I wanted to believe him when he said he loved her.”

Shane disentangled himself from Matt and got to his feet, his pant legs caked with sand, his boots squishing as he walked away to stand right at the edge of the crashing surf. After a moment’s hesitation, Matt joined him, and they stood there shoulder to shoulder, hands stuffed in their pockets.

“I know you hate when I say this, but you’re so much like him in a lot of ways.”

“Shane—”

Shane nudged him. “Let me finish. All the best qualities in him I see in you. Your intelligence, your ambition, your love for the SEALs and your country.” His voice cracked. “But you’re also everything he wasn’t: Caring, and kind, and loyal. I never trusted him, but I trust you with everything. My secrets, my fears…my heart. I love you.”

As Matt, with a huge lump in his throat, flailed for something to say, Shane gripped the front of his T-shirt in his fists, yanked him around and gave him a massive shove backward. With a choked yell, Matt splashed down into the frigid water, going under for a second before clawing his way to the surface.

“What the actual fuck,” he sputtered as he regained his footing, his clothes waterlogged and full of sand. “You bastard!”

“Well, you said all you needed to fall in love with me was one big push,” Shane pointed out, jumping back out of reach. “Remember?”

With a whoop, he turned to run as Matt exploded out of the water after him. He was fast, but Matt launched a flying tackle at his knees that knocked him down hard, taking vicious satisfaction as all Shane’s air burst from his lungs.

He wrestled Shane to his back and straddled his hips, waiting while he gasped for oxygen until he finally grinned up at Matt with sand-coated lips. Matt reached down to brush it away and let his thumb linger at the corner of his mouth. “You ridiculous clown.”

Without warning Shane jackknifed up and rolled Matt over, coming down on top of him. “And?” he demanded.