Page 27 of Everything Changes

“So… what?” Jase encouraged when Carey didn’t seem inclined to go on.

“How do we do this?” Carey waved his hand back and forth between them. “The fuck buddy thing, friends with benefits, whatever?”

Just like that Jase’s happiness dimmed considerably, and he swallowed hard, desperately trying to keep the truth from his eyes, just how much those words had hurt. They weren’t totally unexpected, though, and Jase thought it could have been worse. Carey could have said something like “Don’t ever touch me again.” But he hadn’t.

You can work with this, dumbass, Jase told himself firmly. It’s more than you had yesterday. It’s a start. He bought himself a little time by swallowing another bite of yogurt and taking a sip of coffee, wiping his lips on a napkin.

“Well, baby,” he drawled, “the way I understand it, the usual thing is to fuck as much as possible.” He winked as Carey blushed, then grew serious. “What’s going on, Carey?”

Carey sighed, gripping his own coffee mug in his hands. “Jase, I—I don’t totally understand what’s going on with me. I’m so out of my depth here.”

“It’s me, Carey,” Jase said. “Talk to me.”

“All I know, Jase, is that you’re the most important person in my life.” Carey sucked in a deep breath. “And when I’m with you, I feel happier than when I’m anywhere else, or with anyone else. Fuck, this sounds stupid.”

Jase felt that kernel of happiness cautiously take root again. Yes, he could definitely work with this.

“You know me better than anyone ever has. I’ve been shattered into a thousand pieces in more ways than one, and you’re always the one to put me back together. I don’t know, man.” Carey twisted his fingers together as he searched for the words. Jase waited patiently, though he felt like his coffee cup might well be ground to bits under his clenching fingers.

Carey kept going doggedly, although his face was flushed, with embarrassment or just strong feeling, Jase couldn’t tell. “You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel safe and cared for, wanted for who I am, no matter what. Even as far back as that night—that night that we—God, especially then. I was such a mess, Jase, and you helped me so much because you fucking cared. That’s huge for me; you know that. You stuck it out with me, and I’ve never had that from anyone. You could have just said ‘fuck it’ and walked away; most people would have. And I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had.”

“Never, Carey. I’ll never walk away from you,” Jase said softly.

“If you haven’t yet, Jase, then I know you won’t. After all we’ve been through, all I’ve put you through? This is something I’ve never said to anybody before, ever, and meant it: I trust you, Jase. With everything. And not only that, but I know you trust me, though God knows I don’t feel like I deserve it.” Carey took a deep breath, then blurted, “When we’re together, everything feels so easy and right. In every way.”

“Carey—” Jase whispered, but Carey wasn’t finished.

“And at the same time it somehow feels like it should be wrong. It should be wrong, Jase, but it isn’t.”

“Feelings are never wrong, Carey,” Jase said, reaching across the table and taking Carey’s hand, lacing their fingers together. He squeezed lightly, his thumb brushing back and forth across Carey’s knuckles. “Deep feelings grow out of shared experiences, from common ground, friendship, and loyalty. And we have that, don’t we? They’re not gender specific. We’ve gone through hell and back together and come out the other side. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Sometimes sexual attraction grows along with those feelings. I’ve had them for you for a while, and they’re not wrong.”

“They don’t feel wrong. I’m tired of fighting them,” Carey breathed. “Because it’s you, Jase. Only because it’s you.”

Jase stood up, moving over to Carey’s chair and straddling his lap, lowering himself carefully, his hands cupping Carey’s cheeks. He leaned down and kissed him softly, tasting coffee and jam, his tongue lapping tenderly at Carey’s lips.

“Remember what I said to you that night? Nothing’s changed. How do we get through things, Carey?”

“One day at a time,” they whispered in unison, their lips brushing together as they spoke those words, those words that had bolstered them both when things seemed at their worst.

“There’s just today, okay? We feel what we feel today, right now, and no one can tell us it’s right or wrong.”

Jase kissed Carey slowly, deeply. Carey moaned, and Jase nipped at his lips. “Let’s just go with it, Carey. Let’s just see where it takes us. It could be so good. So fucking good.”

Carey dragged his fingers up Jase’s back, digging in, opening his mouth wider for Jase’s tongue. They kissed hotly, messily, before Jase tore his mouth free and threaded his fingers through Carey’s hair, yanking his head back and latching on to his neck, sucking and biting.

“I want to eat you alive,” Jase growled. “You drive me absolutely fucking crazy. Is that wrong? Does this feel wrong to you?”

Carey tilted his head to the side, groaning as Jase closed his teeth on the tendon in his neck. “No,” he gasped. “I want more. Please, Jase.”

Jase stood and pulled Carey to his feet, then into his arms, gripping Carey’s ass with his palms and hauling him close. He thrilled at the feel of Carey’s arms going around his neck as they kissed passionately, standing in the kitchen. They strained together, their bodies not able to get close enough. Finally Jase broke the kiss, tracing Carey’s swollen mouth with his fingertips, growling softly under his breath at the sight of his stubble-burned cheek. “We’re getting some goddamn condoms ASAP.”

He took Carey’s hand and led him to the bedroom, not able to keep himself from kissing him over and over again as Jase helped him off with his clothes, then stripped his own. Jase reached into his nightstand, grinning as he found an almost-full bottle of lube rolling around in the back, holding it up triumphantly. Carey turned beet red, and Jase sobered, knowing how new and totally unfamiliar this was to him. He threw the lube onto the bed and pulled Carey back into his arms, groaning softly as their erections brushed together.

“Too fast, Carey? Because I can slow down. I just want you so much,” Jase breathed. “But I don’t want to scare you or make you uncomfortable.”

Carey brushed Jase’s hair back from his forehead. “Show me, Jase,” he said simply. “Show me everything. I’m ready.”

Jase fell back on the bed, stuck some pillows under his head, then held his hand out for Carey, pulling him down and encouraging him to straddle Jase’s hips. Jase drew his knees up and planted his feet flat on the bed, murmuring, “Lean back on me.” Carey did, leaning back on Jase’s upraised thighs.