Page 49 of His Choice

I paused too long, and Aaron smirked.

“It wasn’t nasty like he was implying.”

“I’m sure you didn’t think so, considering you were behaving like a dog in heat,” he snapped.

I clenched my fists, trying not to lose my cool. I didn’t succeed. “Funny observation coming from someone who’s seen more White Pines vaginas than the local gynecologist.”

“That’s different!”

“How?” I challenged.

“I never used those women, and they weren’t using me,” he explained. “I’m not making false promises to anyone about a relationship and an estate to go with it, just to dump them and try out the next person.”

I leaned back against the door and sighed. “Why are you so sure he’s going to dump me?” He didn’t respond. “I don’t understand you. You wanted me to do this.”

“I wanted you to be happy,” he clarified. “Not be an easy, discardable fuck.”

“Nobody fucked!” Aaron was talking like a crazy person.

He shook his head. “You know what I mean. He used you to have his fun, and tomorrow he’ll choose someone else for the same thing. It’s like Daryl said, the first contestant to get one-on-one dating time with the bachelor never wins in the end. There’s no suspense or drama if the show zeroes in on one person through the whole program. You think the producers didn’t tell Cliff that? That he needed to spread it around and maybe start off with the person he has no long-term interest in?” He scowled. “You could have gone out there and enjoyed some tennis and chit-chat, then walk away with your dignity. Now, you’ll get dumped and look pathetic when he moves on to the next guy.”

“What the fuck, Aaron? Why are you being like this? You seemed glad I was chosen for this date. You told me to be more confident. I tried, and now you’re tearing me down.” I had become so upset by his remarks that I had difficulty catching my breath between words. “Was it all a lie when you said you thought I had a chance of winning this thing?”

That seemed to smack the anger from his expression. “No. I mean, I still believed you could win until Daryl pointed out how these dating shows work.”

“You’re looking to Daryl to be an expert on anything?”

He half-shrugged. “Okay. What if he is wrong? Then what? You and Cliff ignore the rest of us for the next week? Where does that leave me? What would be the point of me pretending to fall for you if viewers see that I never had a chance with Cliff anyway? I’d be left standing as the bad guy when the show ends, needing to confess that I’m straight—the shit who agreed to trick Cliff in hopes of him making a mistake. That’s just awesome.”

I frowned. “So, that’s what you meant when you said it’s all about me? Have you ever thought about improvising if things change? You can say anything you want in the closing confessional. Lie and tell the world you really do like guys, and you punked the producers into thinking you’re straight. Or tell viewers the truth about what we planned so you wouldn’t hurt Cliff, but once Cliff became interested in me, it was no longer necessary. This isn’t that hard to figure out.”

He looked at his clasped hands, then nodded. “Yeah. I guess. Maybe I didn’t think that scenario through because I’ve been more hyped up about what Daryl said. I’m sorry, Mikey, but I don’t think he’s wrong. It makes too much sense. You were probably a convenient first choice for Cliff. The disaster at the challenge allowed him to look benevolent by choosing you, not letting on that you were the sacrificial first date—the one that won’t be chosen in the end because he can’t signal too quickly which guys really have his interest. You should have played it cool, but you showed the whole world that you’re boning for this guy. Now you’ll end up…”

“Looking pathetic,” I finished. “Yeah. I heard you the first time.”

Aaron appeared regretful for the earlier remark. “I was going to say heartbroken.”

“Maybe I will,” I acknowledged. “And yeah, I got a little hopeful when I was with Cliff. It was so great, for once in my life, to believe that I was good enough and desirable enough that someone like him could be interested in me for real. Even if it didn’t go my way in the end, it was one night that I could have remembered as special—that I could reflect on when I need a confidence boost because I believed I had been an actual contender. But you just took that away from me, Aaron. Thanks for pointing out that it was all bullshit.”

I turned to walk back out of the door.

“Mikey,” he called softly, sadly.

I exited before he could see the tear that dropped onto my cheek.

* * * *

I wasn’t allowed to leave the premises, so I wasn’t sure where to head after I descended the stairs and wandered the massive estate. I didn’t want to return to the great room where everyone else had congregated, so I walked down a different corridor. Through an open doorway, I saw a wall of shelves holding what seemed to be thousands of books. I entered, realizing it must be Cliff’s personal library.

“Oh, hello.”

I turned on my heel, surprised to see Cliff’s mother sitting on a leather chair that practically consumed her. She had lowered the book she had been reading, studying me instead with curiosity.

“I’m so sorry,” I blurted. “I wasn’t trying to be nosey. I just needed…space. I’ll leave you…”

“You could, but you’d run the risk of one of those annoying camera people wandering the halls trying to get some juicy behind-the-scenes shots. They tried that shit last night, pardon my French. I told Cliff’s staff to bar them from this hall, or any picture they take of me will be their last.” She grinned. “That would be unfortunate. Not because they met an unhappy end, but because the police would find their film and see that I was the one who shot them.”

I wasn’t sure if I should laugh to be polite. She seemed to be inviting me to stay, but she was a little scary, too.