Page 110 of Love Unspoken

"Not particularly," I replied, forcing a smile as we continued to move in time with the music. I was always quiet in social settings; didn't she know that about me?

"It's just not…well, you used to talk more when I saw you at these things with her." She couldn't keep the accusation out of her tone.

It was true; I did talk more when I was with Amara because I was talking to Amara and not making social small talk. I hated that shit.

"You laughed with her but with me⁠—."

"What are you saying, Kath?" I wanted to be present, to focus on Kath, to rekindle whatever we had years ago. But my eyes betrayed me, drawing back to Amara and Jax again and again.

Jax had taken her hand now, leading her onto the dance floor, and I couldn't tear my gaze away as they began to waltz. He was confident and graceful, guiding her effortlessly through the steps, and Amara looked…happy. Her head tilted back as she laughed at something he whispered in her ear, and I felt a sharp twist in my chest.

"Stop staring at her, Lucas. You're embarrassing yourself and me." Kath's voice cut through the fog in my mind, bringing me back to the woman in my arms.

I met her gaze, seeing the fear, the desperation she was trying so hard to hide. She'd made a mistake five years ago, and now, after all this time, she was afraid she might be too late to fix it. I wanted to tell her she was wrong and that she was the one I wanted, but the words stuck in my throat, thick and heavy.

"Do you still have feelings for her?" I heard the catch in Kath's throat, and I felt like the asshole I knew I was.

I could almost hear my Grandma in my head, "You didn't want Amara and now you don't want Kath. Lucas, you need to grow up and figure out who and what you want."

"Lucas?" Kath pressed, her eyes searching mine for an answer.

"I was with her for two years, Kath. Of course, I still have feelings for her," I admitted, the truth burning as it left my mouth. It was the first time I'd said it out loud, and the words hung between us like a specter—haunting and undeniable.

Kath's face fell, her fear morphing into something closer to resignation. "We were so good together once," she whispered, her voice trembling with the effort to hold it together. "We can be again, Lucas. Just, don't give up on us."

I nodded because what else could I do? But as I looked over her shoulder at Amara and Jax, twirling together in perfect harmony, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was holding on to the wrong person; that I had let go of the right one. The music swelled, the ballroom around us spinning in a blur of silk and sequins, but all I could see was Amara in another man's arms, smiling like I'd never hurt her.

And that was the problem. I had hurt her, shattered her trust, and now she was moving on, finding happiness without me. The realization gnawed at me, eating away at the certainty I thought I had in my choices.

But this was my decision, I kicked myself hard—one I'd have to live with, one way or another, even if it meant standing here, in a room full of people, feeling like the loneliest man in the world.

SEVEN

AMARA

It had been four months since Lucas and I broke up, and I was still living at Basil's. Although I often felt like a burden, he kept insisting he'd rather I take my time finding the right home than rush into something. We'd been friends for a long time and were comfortable with each other, so living together had been pretty seamless, and we both liked it. Plus, as he put it, he appreciated having someone to look after the house while he was away at UCLA for a project that would keep him there for the entire fall semester.

Gemma, Basil's friend-with-benefits, my friend and colleague, and I organized a going-away party for him in the garden, which was now alive with laughter and the soft glow of string lights draped lazily between the trees.

Basil's backyard had been transformed into a cozy party space. We'd set up a long table covered in crisp white linens. On the table sat Mason jars full of wildflowers and candles shimmering gently in the warm summer breeze. The night was perfect—clear skies, the scent of jasmine in the air, and the soft hum of conversation blended with the distant chirping of crickets.

I had just told Gemma about the first time I met Lucas after we broke up, which was at the Magnolia Ball.

"Do you remember the Sex and The City episode where Carrie meets Mr. Big for the first time after they break up?" Gemma mused, her voice carrying just enough for me to catch it over the music playing softly in the background.

I laughed softly, recognizing the scene she was referring to. Carrie's awkward, stilted run-in with Big after their explosive breakup had always felt painfully honest, even if it was wrapped in the glamorous packaging of Manhattan life.

"You mean when she showed up with the newest Yankee on her arm?" Naina, a professor of economics who was sitting next to me, chuckled.

"Exactly." Gemma waved her wine glass. "And here is our own Carrie Bradshaw, showing up with the PGL champion on her arm when she first sees her ex with his new lady love."

Almost everyone in Basil's garden was a colleague or friend from the university, and conversations mostly revolved around the latest research projects, department and personal gossip, and the endless politics of academia. I was deeply entrenched in this world, which often felt like a bubble, isolated from the rest of life's chaos.

Basil caught my eye as he approached us, his easy smile making me feel at home, as always. He was the kind of friend everyone wished they had—solid, thoughtful, and with a dry sense of humor that I loved.

"Basil," I called out, holding up my glass in a mock toast. "Gemma's dissecting Sex and The City again. I need backup."

Basil rolled his eyes playfully as he stepped closer.