Page 114 of Breaking Hollywood

It’s hard not to wince when he talks about having sex with those women. His voice sounds empty of emotion. Honestly, it makes me want to bawl my fucking eyes out.

“I kept escorting with the agency for a while,” he tells me. “But, soon enough, I was too busy to take jobs they had to offer, as my own clientele had grown fast. I quit with the agency and became a full-time hooker. Screwing rich women for money.

“And, for a long time, it was easy. Fun even. Fucking hot women for money—what’s not to like about that, right?”

He laughs, but it’s hollow, and my heart hurts at the sound.

“I moved Tate and me out of the tiny studio we had been renting and into a two-bedroom apartment. I got a car. I put money aside for Tate’s college tuition fund. Life was good. Or so I thought. After a while, it started to not feel good anymore. It just felt empty. Soulless. There was nothing fun about it anymore. I just started to feel dirty. Even spending the money felt dirty. And I guess, somewhere along the way, I’d fooled myself into thinking that these women actually cared for me.” He makes a self-deprecating noise. “That was stupid as fuck because, of course, they didn’t care about me. I was just a monetary means to a great fucking orgasm.

“I was ready to get out of the business. But I didn’t have any qualifications. I was good at fucking and nothing else. Then, as fate had it, I got a new client. She was a first-timer. Her husband had been having an affair with a younger woman, and he’d left her. Her friends had told her she needed to get back on the horse. One of her friends was a client of mine and had said she should get in touch.

“So, we arranged to meet in a hotel room. When I got there, I could tell off the bat that she wasn’t ready. So, we talked instead. And I found myself opening up to her. Told her I was tired of doing what I was doing. I told her about Tate. How I needed the money for him. She had a kid the same age. Then, she told me that she was a producer for a network. They had a part on a show they were auditioning for, and she said I had the exact right look for the character. Asked if I had any acting experience, which I didn’t. She gave me the name and number of an acting coach. Told me to get some lessons and that she’d set me up with an audition for the show.

“And she was good on her word. Called me up the following week with a date and time for an audition. So, I went to the audition. I’d never been so fucking nervous in my life. I threw up in the restroom beforehand. And then I went in and auditioned.

“The next day, I got a call. I’d gotten the part. I couldn’t fucking believe it. It wasn’t big money, less than I earned hooking, but it was a regular part on a fucking television show. So, I called up my clients and told them I was out of the game. The hit on the money was hard for a while, but then I auditioned for some film roles, did some small parts, and then landed a lead role in my first movie. And that was it.” He gestures his hands around his apartment.

“When I first hit the big time and my popularity was rising, I was nervous that maybe the escort agency would come out and say something to the press or one of the women I used to sleep with might, but then I figured the agency wouldn’t want the press, and those women wouldn’t want to admit to paying for sex. They definitely wouldn’t want it to be public knowledge. Some of these women were married. And the others had high-powered jobs. None of them would want it getting out. They all had as much to lose as I did. So, I knew I was safe.

“And, when it came to my parents, I definitely didn’t want that getting out, so I had my lawyer take them NDAs to sign, saying they’d never talk about me and Tate to the press. I couldn’t have the fact that my parents were in prison for racketeering and murder in the papers. And I didn’t want it fucking up Tate’s life either. They’d screwed things up enough for the both of us already. I had us back on track, and I wasn’t going to risk them fucking it up when they saw my face on TV.”

“Did they sign the NDAs?”

He rubs his hand over his jaw, sadness filling his eyes. “Surprisingly, yes. Maybe they thought they owed us for fucking up our lives. I don’t know. I’m just glad they did.”

“God, Gabe. I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t worry. I just dropped a mother lode in your lap. And it’s not a story you hear every day. You probably need some time to digest it.” He gets up. “You want a drink? Brandy’s always good for shock.”

I stare up at him. “I’m not in shock, Gabe.”

I reach up and take hold of his hand, and he lets me.

“Yes, it’s a lot to digest. But I’m just so sorry that things were so hard for you back then.”

His eyes narrow at me, hard and black. “I don’t want your fucking pity, Ava.”

I get to my feet, standing in front of him. “You don’t have it. I don’t pity you. But I am allowed to feel sorry for what you went through with your parents. And, honestly, I don’t think prostitution is a great way to earn money, but I don’t think it’s horrific if done in the right circumstances and for the right reasons. And yours was. How could anyone think that what you did to keep you and your brother together was a terrible thing? If they did, then they’d be fucking idiots. I’m just sorry that it made you feel bad toward the end, and I’m so glad that lady gave you an opportunity to get out and change your life.”

He’s staring at me. There’s a multitude of emotions in his eyes. But I’m not sure where his head is.

“It doesn’t change how you see me?” His words are almost a whisper.

“Only that I see all of you now. And it makes you even more amazing in my eyes.”

He looks confused. Like he can’t make sense of the words I said. “And you still want to be with me, even after knowing that I used to fuck women for money?”

“Can’t say I like to hear about you fucking other women in general, so let’s not say that anymore.” I step closer to him. “But, yes, Gabe, I still want to be with you. Nothing in this world could make me not want to be with you. Apart from if you cheated on me. Because then I would have to chop your dick off, and that wouldn’t be good ’cause I’d have to go to jail. Or you stole money from me, which would be weird ’cause it’s not exactly like you need it. Or if you—”

“Ava.”

“Stop rambling, I know. I don’t mean to. I just—”

“I love you.”

“What?”

He steps into my body and takes my face in his hands. “I love you. I’m in love with you or what-the-fuck-ever you want to call it. I’m in it with you.”