Page 151 of Breaking Hollywood

“I drink too much, Speedy.” His eyes come back to mine. “Way too much.”

I know he does. I’ve always known, but he needs to come to this realization on his own.

“What do you want to do about it?” I ask slowly.

He rubs a hand over the back of his neck. “I don’t know. I think maybe I need to slow the drinking down. Or…I dunno…stop altogether.” He blows out a breath. “I think…”

“What?”

“I think maybe I use it as a crutch…to make myself feel better.”

“What are you saying?”

He needs to say this, not me. He needs to admit it to himself.

“I don’t know. I just know, when I think about never having a drink…the thought scares me.”

“Okay. So, what should we do about that?”

He lifts a shoulder. “I think maybe I need help stopping.”

“Then, we’ll get you help. Whatever you need.”

He’s silent, and then he lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “After watching Julian struggle with drugs, I was so worried that it could happen to me. I never even realized that I was struggling just with alcohol.”

I press my hand to his cheek. “It’s going to be okay, Gabe.”

His eyes tell me he’s not so sure.

“Whatever happens, I’ll be with you, every step of the way. I’ve got your back.”

He leans his forehead against mine and breathes deeply. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m so fucking glad you’re mine.”

“Right back at ya, babe.”

He kisses me again. Then, he takes my hand and leads me over to a lounger. He sits first and then pulls me to sit between his legs. I rest my back against his chest and lay my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me. I can feel his heart beating strong against me.

I glance over at the glasses of alcohol that Charly left for us. Thinking about what he just said, I ask, “Do you want me to get rid of the drinks?”

He’s silent a moment. “No. Leave them there. I’m not saying I’m going to drink it right now, but I know that I won’t be able to not drink it either—without some help.”

“Then, we’ll get you help real soon.”

He presses a kiss to the top of my head.

We sit in silence, just being together.

I think about everything. About Digby and Sandy. The bugs in the apartment. Gabe’s past out there for public fodder.

“What’s going to happen with Digby and Sandy?” I ask him.

He sighs. “I don’t know. I guess we wait and see what Martin can find out about those bugs, if they’re traceable back to either of them. But I know one thing for sure. I’m not letting those fuckers get away with this. Bugging my apartment and setting you up to take the fall. I nearly lost you because of those bastards.”

I slide my hands over his and link our fingers together. “We’d have found our way back to each other; I’m sure of it.”

“Once I stopped being an asshole and started listening to you, you mean?”

“Yeah, something like that.” I laugh softly. “You’re going to need to call Gil and let him know what’s going on—about Sandy and the bugs in your apartment.”