Page 68 of Ruin

My thoughts have somewhat calmed, and I pause before opening the front door to ask him something.

Something that I need the answer to.

When I turn, I find him still standing on the driveway, eyes watching me.

“Zeus…” My voice suddenly sounds amplified in the silence. “If you hadn’t seen me in the club that night, would…you have ever come back for me?” I have to know this. It matters a lot.

His eyes lower to the ground. He pushes his hands into his pockets, the toe of his boot kicking at the gravel. “I don’t know.” His words are quiet. “I wanted to come back. God, I wanted to. I just…” He sighs and lifts his head, finally meeting my eyes. “I just didn’t know how to.”

Even though I anticipated this, hearing it still hurts like a mother.

A sound of expected disappointment leaves me. “And that’s the reason I’ll never believe a single thing you tell me, Zeus. Because, when you love someone—really love them—you fight for them. You fight hard and dirty, no matter the cost to yourself. And not once have you ever fought for me.”

And, with those parting words, I open the door and step inside, firmly shutting it behind me.

I’m pacing the floor, chewing on my thumbnail, as I anxiously wait for Zeus to return from ballet class with Gigi. While she’s been gone, I’ve kept myself busy with cleaning the kitchen. Gigi’s class ended ten minutes ago, so she’ll be home any minute.

When Zeus came to pick her up an hour ago to drive her there, we barely spoke a word.

He just asked me if we were still going ahead with telling her after class. And I said yes.

That was the extent of our conversation.

We didn’t talk about last night.

I can’t talk about last night. Or think about any of the things he said last night. Because today is too important for anything else to come in the way of it.

I just pray to God that Gigi is okay with what we’re about to tell her.

I hear the door open and the sound of Gigi chattering away with Zeus.

Then, she calls for me, “Mommy!”

This is it. Time to woman up and tell my girl the truth.

“Living room,” I say.

She comes running into the room, a whirl of pink and frills, and launches herself into my arms. “Guess what!” She presses her tiny hands to my cheeks.

“What?” I say.

Zeus walks into the room, and my eyes briefly go to him. He’s wearing a smile, but I can see the worried look in his eyes.

I try to give him a reassuring smile, but I don’t think it works.

“You has to guess, Mommy. Or it’s no fun.”

“Okay, I’ll guess. But you have to give me a clue.”

Her little nose screws up, and then she grins. “Okay. Do you see anyfing different ’bout me?” She removes her hands from my face and spreads her arms out wide.

I spotted the badge pinned to her leotard straightaway, but I play dumb.

I tip my head back and pretend to examine her face. “Hmm…well, it’s not your face because it looks the same.”

“Cwourse it does, Mommy. Don’t be silly. I can’t change my face.”

I don’t even bother to tell her about the wonders of plastic surgery.