Page 17 of Finding Storm

Because, despite what people say about me, we are damn good fucking musicians.

I just wish the boys were here for this interview.

It’s a million times easier for me when I have them with me at interviews. Raze is deft at deflecting questions aimed at me about Jonny.

Me, not so much.

I just answer the questions, like a good little robot. All the while, getting angry and pissed inside. Because if I don’t answer their questions or give them the words they want, then I’m being disrespectful and ungrateful. I’m shitting on Jonny’s memory and what he gave me, which is my talent, apparently—you know, the talent that doesn’t measure up to his.

The thing these people forget is that I didn’t know Jonny. Yes, he’s my biological father, but I never met the man. Yet I’m expected to answer questions about him like I did.

People speak about Jonny with reverence. They love him, and that’s great for them.

But for me, Jonny Creed is the black fucking cloud over my life.

I would never say this out loud, but I resent it.

I resent him—a dead man.

I’m angry with my mom for doing things the way she did back then. Keeping me from him.

I get her reasoning. I understand it more now that I’m older, but it doesn’t change the way I feel.

And the way I feel is …

Trapped in my own life.

Do I say any of this out loud?

Nope.

I can never say what I really feel about his impact on my life. How hard it was—and still is—finding out that Jonny Creed was my father.

How being constantly compared to him on a daily basis is no picnic.

Hearing people say that my musical talent will never equal his.

But the thing is … I don’t want to equal his talent.

I want my talent to stand on its own.

But it never will.

Because the moment the world found out that a living, breathing genetic piece of Jonny Creed was left behind, my life stopped being my own.

I knew all of this. I knew me going into music would give them an open pass to me.

I just didn’t realize how hard it would be.

I guess the hollow feeling I have inside of me nowadays is all that’s left after being chipped away at all these years.

If only I could stand up and say what I really feel.

But I can’t.

I can speak my mind on anything. But Jonny Creed.

I swear though, one of these days, I’m gonna snap and go all Michael Douglas in Falling Down if I’m asked one more time if Jonny’s musical influence is the reason why I became a guitarist.