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Shamas’s mother—Olanda, our aunt—had died some months back. He’d landed over here, Earthside, when there was a price on his head, and had gone to work for Chase. Not all that long ago, we’d discovered that he’d studied sorcery back in OW, and that he’d fucked things up royally in an attempt to pull himself back from the darker elements he’d been connected with. It had almost gotten him killed. The news had set Camille at odds with him, something I knew broke his heart.
“Shamas, what are you doing out here? You’ll get soaked through.” I gingerly sat on the edge of the bench. Water didn’t bother me, but that didn’t mean I wanted my butt wet.
He let out a slow sigh, the air whistling between his teeth to match the gusting winds whistling through the treetops.
“Doing some serious thinking. I’m sorry about your father. Everything has been so crazy the past few days, I don’t think I got a chance to tell you that.” He was the spitting image of Camille, and as I gazed at him, I thought that Sephreh had looked like this when he was younger.
“That’s all right. We’ve all been under the gun.” I had the feeling something was bothering him—something big. “So what are you thinking about?”
He ducked his head, the rain streaking down his face. “Camille. She could have died over in Otherworld. Delilah, too. You all could have. The three of you are so brave. You tread into these situations never knowing what you’re going to find, and you face death on a regular basis.”
I wasn’t sure where this was going, but it sounded like a pity party to me. “We aren’t that brave. We just believe in what we are doing. We don’t have much of a choice, you know. Either we do it, or it goes undone.” I didn’t want to be cross with him, but I had the feeling that if I didn’t shake him out of whatever funk he was in, he’d be useless to Chase and to us. It wasn’t that depression was such a bad thing, but we needed Shamas to be at the top of his game.
“See, that’s the thing. I’ve never really believed in anything. I’ve never had a cause I cared about. I’m a selfish bastard when you get down to the core. But I’ve made a decision.” He straightened his shoulders. “With the war going on back in OW, the elves and the Svartans need help. I’m going home to enlist in their army. I’m a damned good sorcerer. They can use me against Telazhar.”
Okay. So I hadn’t expected that—not in the least. I wasn’t sure what to say. On the one hand, we could use him right here. On the other, as long as he was around Camille, he was going to pine for her and that could end up with him in a world of hurt. Unless we were all reading the situation wrong.
I cleared my throat and turned to him. “Tell me the truth, Shamas. Are you still in love with Camille? I won’t say a word.”
He regarded me quietly for a moment. Then in a hushed voice, he answered. “I’ve never stopped loving her. Even when the Court forced me to abandon her, I never could shake her. She and I… we were a lot alike. We had a connection that we never talked about, but it was there. We had so much in common, but between my envy over her magical abilities, and the nobility pushing me to marry within my own caste…” Shrugging, he held up his hands in a helpless gesture. “I was too weak-willed to fight them.”
“You know that it can never happen, right? You lost her when you turned your back on her. You lost her again when she found out you’d gone over to the enemy to study sorcery… when you were involved in a plot to attack the Moon Mother’s grove. And don’t even start about how you backed out and warned them. That was a good thing, but that you let yourself get mixed up in that mess in the first place… I doubt if she can ever truly let it go.”
He pressed his lips together and I recognized the stubborn gesture from both Camille and Father. Yes, Shamas was family, all right.
“And… she is happy. She has three husbands and I doubt if they’d welcome a fourth.” I hesitated to remind him of that fact. For one thing, I really had no clue as to how Smoky, Morio, and Trillian would feel about Shamas horning in. I could place a good bet, but I wasn’t positive. But I also knew how betrayed Camille had felt and I wasn’t going to ever chance that happening again.
“You’re right, of course. And hanging on here, even though I try to help, it’s not good for me to watch her with them. Her pity is worse than her anger.” He inhaled deeply, his chest rising, then let out a sharp, strong breath. “My mind’s made up. I’m going home to Otherworld, and I’m going to offer my services to King Vodox. I’m sure he’ll take me on.”
“My guess is that if Lethesanar herself were still in office, she’d take you back into the fold. Be careful over there, though. She still walks free somewhere, and she has a long memory.” I reached out, took his hand.
“I will. You haven’t seen the last of me yet.” He stood, kissing the top of my hand gently. “Thank you, Menolly. I’ve been wrestling with this for some time. You helped me see what I needed to see. There is no home here for me. At least not right now.”
Feeling both vaguely guilty and unsure I’d done the right thing, I squeezed his fingers, then let go. “When will you leave?”
“I hate to leave Chase on such short notice, but he really doesn’t need me that much. I’ll go now, before I change my mind. Please, tell the others for me. I don’t want any protracted good-byes or scenes. And… if I were to see Camille again… I’d probably change my mind.” And with that, he turned and headed back to the shed we’d converted into a studio for Roz, Vanzir, and Shamas.
I watched him go, thinking maybe I should call him back. Maybe I should stop him. But I kept my mouth shut, and ten minutes later, I watched as he silently emerged from the studio again, a knapsack over his back, and headed down the driveway. He’d be heading to Grandmother Coyote’s portal… and then home.
As Shamas vanished from sight, I realized that I was thoroughly soaked. I didn’t feel the chill as badly as nonvamps, but it wasn’t pleasant either. And the walk had brought me very little in the way of peace of mind.
I turned back to the house, and when I got inside and locked the door, I stripped off my wet clothes and shimmied into a pair of PJs I kept in the laundry room. I had no intention of disrupting Nerissa’s sleep until I had to be in bed and safely away from sunrise. As I padded into the living room, I saw Delilah sitting there, watching TV with the sound turned down low. She flashed me a pale grin and patted the cushion next to her.
“Kitten, what are you doing up?” I headed over to her side and situated myself next to her on the sofa. She was in her Hello Kitty nightshirt, with an afghan wrapped around her legs.
“I couldn’t sleep. Lash told me she’s going home in the morning. That she’s not going to interfere with my relationship with Shade. She said she had a long talk with you. Thanks… I was afraid she might try to break us up.” She was clutching a bowl of Cheetos, staring at the TV.
I glanced at the set. She was watching The House on Haunted Hill. Vincent Price was looming in the foreground, and the music was cueing up for an ominous scene. I leaned against Delilah’s arm, wrapping my own through the crook of her elbow.
“Lash won’t bother you.” I paused, then added, “Speaking of talks… I just saw Shamas outside. He left for Otherworld tonight, Kitten. He’s going to enlist in King Vodox’s army of sorcerers to try and stop the storm.”
She stopped, her hand midair, still clutching a handful of the orange cheese puffs. “Wow. I didn’t expect to hear that.”
Stuffing the snacks in her mouth, she tried to say something else but just showered the afghan with a sputter of crumbs. I snorted and handed her the glass of milk that was on the coffee table and she took a long sip, clearing her throat.
After she’d wiped her mouth, she muted the sound on the TV. “So what do you think Camille will say about him leaving?”
“I don’t think she feels the same way he does. I finally got him to admit that he’s never stopped loving her, and to be honest? I think maybe it’s a good thing he’s going away. I doubt if he’ll ever shake his infatuation with her, but maybe if he’s not around her all the time, he can move on.”
