Page 110 of Drowning in Darkness

“We’re back to you assuming what I need? How original that a man makes assumptions about my life and future without consulting me once again.”

“You’re infuriating.”

“And you’re ridiculous. I might not have any experience of consensual sex, but I know what I fantasize about. I know which porn I gravitate toward, and it’s not sweet. It’s not gentle.” I lean closer. “On the surface, it doesn’t look like either of those things, not until it is, once you hand it over to someone you trust. No one has the right to judge me for wanting the things I want, so long as it’s legal and consensual.” I brush my lips over his in a barely there, teasing kiss. “And if I can’t find it with you, then I will with someone else.”

He growls, fingers curling around my chin, and I wait for the rejection, for the words that will break me more than any act.

“Show me.”

THIRTY-SEVEN

JAMES

Who said men are visual learners? They haven’t met a woman describing in detail what she wants most.

This is a bad idea. Correction—it’s the worst. But I have to know what she fantasizes about, if it’s something I can provide. I shouldn’t entertain thoughts of fulfilling desires when it comes to Stephanie King, but I can’t stop this train. The words are already out of my mouth, splicing the air between us.

Her eyes drop to my lips before rising to meet my own. I lower my defenses so she can see for herself that I don’t think of her as any of those things. Dirty, ruined, shameful.

Do I want to do dirty shit to her? Yes.

Do I want her ruined? Absolutely, but I want to be ruined beside her in the best ways.

As for the shame? People can shove that shit up their ass. It’s nothing to do with them. If it’s legal and consensual, that’s all that matters.

“Show you what?” she whispers.

“Don’t play coy now, sweetheart.”

Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, and she blows out a long breath. “Where and on what?”

Good question. “My office.”

“On those big screens?” she squeaks.

That might be a little overwhelming for her. “Laptop on the sofa?” I suggest.

The bedroom feels dangerous. But too late, I realize this option will mean we need to be close.

I wait for her to make a decision. If she retreats to her bedroom, then I’ll know she doesn’t really want those things, and that distance is for the best. But if she trusts me with every wicked thought, then I can show her what’s possible in the hands of a man who cares about her first and himself second.

“Okay.”

She rises, and I lean back before following her into the lodge, the blanket still wrapped around her shoulders, a shield against more than cold. She glances over her shoulder. I’m right here with you. No need to wonder, because wild horses couldn’t drag me away. I’ve never watched online porn with a partner. I have, however, witnessed acts in the club, enough to know I enjoy watching others getting off over what’s happening in the room.

I’ve learned from masters the best way to showcase pain with minimal injury, enough to satisfy the likes of Jonathan and Christopher. But I’ve also been taught how a woman’s body responds, when to push, and when to pull back. I found workarounds, tricks, and lies to minimize the hurt and pain I was expected to inflict. It’s not an excuse. I still deserve everything that’s coming my way. But maybe I can help Stephanie find her confidence to ask for what she needs, to normalize some of the things she wants.

I convince myself as we enter the lodge that she’s going to show me clips of lovemaking, maybe a little light spanking while she’s on her hands and knees. Nothing too out there. Nothing that would replay in my mind on repeat.

Oh, sweet ignorance is a powerful thing.

She drops onto the middle of the sofa as I collect my laptop and place it on her knees before sitting next to her, our thighs pressed together.

She glances at me, and I nod at the screen. “Show me, sweetheart. If you were alone right now, needy, hot, and wanting a release, what would you look for?”

She licks her lips. “Depends on my mood and how much time I have.”

Interesting. “Naughty, and all night.”